Day XXXIII

It’s been four days since I last wrote. For the people who read this (or person) sorry for the delay but as you know, it’s been a Jack jubilee all weekend. In fact so much went on that driving back this morning I wasn’t sure how I was going to cram everything into one little entry.

But really, past the pizza and fist in cake scene everyone knows what happens at a birthday party. Screaming kids, too much food, maybe a little bochi ball and wham it’s over.

Last night, as the AARP crowd (me included) all tried to recover from the whirlwind, Jack finally had a chance to realize he got tons of great new stuff. He was putting on a show for the Colorado family, great-grandpa and grandparents and his Mama. He was singing; he was dancing; he was throwing balls and building legos and just being Jack.

Eventually my Grandpa got up to go to bed. The instant he his hand fluffed my Jackie's cornsilk hair we all realized that 80 years spanned between them. And I think we were all shocked by the realization. Grandpa has lived an incredibly full life and is still going strong. My little son has so much to experience. It was an unexpectedly amazing moment.

“I wonder what Jack will experience in the next 80 years,” my dad said to no one in particular. “I wish I could be there to watch it.’’

I thought about what my dad said all night and into my trek back to work at 6 a.m. this morning.

I thought about my grandpa’s life so far and how incredible it has been. And I wondered how similar their lives will be.

Will Jackie have to go to a foreign land as a teenager and risk his life to protect his country?

Will he marry the love of his life and stay loyal to her more than a decade after she passes away?

Will he have children? Will he experience the tremendous loss of losing a daughter and the immense joy of watching his living children have children and those children have children?

Will there be inventions that change the face of society like: cars, commercial airplanes, microwaves, televisions, VCRs, CDs, and COMPUTERS? I can’t even comprehend how much more advanced life will be for him.

Will he realize the power of having faith? Will he carry our family traditions at Easter and Christmas and incorporate Christian holidays into massive family festivities?

As I’ve realized what is ahead for him, a wave of emotion has tidal waved over me. And I have been caught in it all day.

I’m so excited to watch him grow and develop and make decisions and be his own person. (One down, 90 plus to go.) I am can’t wait for all the sporting events, homework, school dances, girls, college years, his wedding, his babies.

I’m already missing him as a baby.

I’m so frightened for him and what he will face and the future pain he will experience. I couldn’t imagine surviving should anything tragic ever happen to him and I can’t imagine being a mother of a solider at war.

I’ve been sad knowing that I won’t always be there. My dad saying he wished he could be there as Jack grows old really struck a cord with me. I won’t meet his great-grandchildren. I won’t be there when his grandson screams in delight just at the sight of him like he does now with Dad.

I guess all I can do is swim parallel to the beach.

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On a side note: Thank you notes from the party will be slightly delayed because I am waiting for something extra special to send to all of you. They should be in your mailboxes within the next 2.5 weeks. Thank you all for your love and support to my Jackie. He is a very, very lucky boy