137

So, we ended up telling Jack about the surprise about 7 minutes after I finished my post last night. And in retrospect I don't think we should've but I got voted down by Joe and Jack. His first reaction was great though and and he immediately gushed with excitement for his brother.

I think Brennan suspected something was going on as we were shuffled from one room. As we entered the Breslin conference room, he screeched by me yelling "Ellllmooooo!"

They shuffled us into this non-descript (anti-climatic) room where we sat and waited. Then the "handlers" came in and let us know they didn't know which characters were coming and they had to "rest their voices" ... hmmm, thought that was a little lame. The voice of Elmo probably trademarked his squeak.

Jack was pretty excited by this point, even a smidge nervous. The handler had said the monsters were pretty big. Jack wondered out loud what that meant. I soothed him and told him not to worry, just more to hug.

Then in walked Elmo and Abby Cadaby. I quickly looked at Brennan (while trying to illegally use the video camera) ... he was pretty stoked. He built into his yellow "elmo. Elmo. ELmo. ELMo. ELMO!" Unfortunately, we'd picked the area that went last so the poor kid had to watch all the other munchkins hug up on the monsters.

We sat and watched as Joe tried to keep Brennan detained. That was fairly pointless.

Jack leaned over to me, saying ...
"Hey. Um. Mama. I need your ear down here."
"K"
"Um. I think there may be people inside there. Is there?"
I looked at his face. His eyes were searching my face trying to read the truth. I debated about telling him only because I felt a little sad that the fun would be wiped a way a bit. But then I decided I may as well tell him or run the risk of him not believing me on anything.
"Yes. But it's still fun, right?"
"Sure. Don't worry. I won't tell Brennan."

But as soon as it was our turn, the boys didn't hesitate. In fact, Brennan went right up to each of them to give them a huge hug. We were able to pose and both boys got more time with them than the other kids because we were last. By the end, Brennan was handing out fist bumps and waving wildly.

The good thing about the Breslin Center is they keep concession cost family-friendly. The kids were able to split a pop corn and a pretzel. And they didn't even finish either. Brennan was in heaven. Shouting MO! Screaming for Coookeee and dancing all around. It was insane how empty the arena was ... another wake up to the state's state.

Question: Why make a Sesame Street show for kids last an hour and a half long, with intermission? B wasn't really into the show after the potty break.

He and spent time moving from seat to seat in the Breslin eventually making our way up to the vendor level. I am pretty sure that was his plan from the beginning.

Sesame Street ain't dumb. They have over-priced booths every 20 feet or so, I swear. And Brennan was in love with a ridiculously large Elmo that was ridiculously expensive. Once we were out on the floor, he full sprinted to the nearest booth to point it out to me. And when I said no, he flung himself on the floor. He then dragged his body like a solider in combat over closer while moaning in pain .... "eeeelllllmmmmmooooo, pleeees. ellllmmmmmooo" with huge tears rolling down his face. The pop guy laughed out loud.

136

I am so excited. You would think I won the $333 million lottery. But instead I just won four passes to Sesame Street Live ... and tickets to the VIP Room where the boys can meet the stars of the show -- Elmo and Cookie Monster.

I am completely serious when I say: Brennan may have a heart attack. His love for Cookie is strong, friends. And Elmo ain't too shabby in his nearly two-year-old life.

Since I got the winning call, I have envisioned him running across the room, screaming "COOOOKKKKEEEE!" And I just can't wait!

(He is currently running and screaming out of pure joy for a bath:

"BAAAATH! BAttTH Daddy! BATTTTH Gack! Oh yea! Yo-yo-yo! Oh yea! Bath time!")

Brennan is at a stage where he will say anything you say. Literally, anything. His three/four word sentences are getting so amazing. It was almost as if one day he decided he was ready to talk. And it seems talking is his favorite thing. Each day he expands his vocabulary and the three of us all giggle and laugh in excitement. It's like it's the most amazing thing we've ever seen. And I've noticed Jack is much better about not enabling him with speech. Only after Joe doesn't pay attention or I can't figure it out does Big Brother pipe up and say ...

"He wants another fruit snack, Mama."
"Oh! He was saying SpongeBob Fruit Snack. Now I get it!"

If you ask him his age, he yells (no idea why he yells except he seems to like to yell ... not sure where he got that) "TWO!" and he shows you his two fingers. Except he doesn't hold them in a V. Nope. Instead he thickly points at you with his index and middle finger pressed together and screams "TWOOooOO!" Usually in a sing-song way.

I found a bunch of old pictures randomly in my closet and I spent Tuesday night filing them away in a photo album. I can't believe how much Jack has grown and changed in five years. And I can't believe Baby Rex is no longer a baby.

Every step of the way, parents are so excited for their accomplishments. Rolling over, eating rice cereal, crawling, talking, walking ... all the big boy stuff. We are so happy for them and for you and you feel so blessed.

But sitting there looking at my photos I got this panic, this sadness. They are going to be outta here someday and then what? My whole life I wanted kids ... and I always thought I'd have boys. I don't want this stage to be done. It's so final. Jack is going to friggin' kindergarten in two weeks for God's sake!

Aunt Stina is preggo with her first baby. Baby Furst is giving Mama a tough go. Yup that baby is showing who's boss which should be interested for the baby of the family who would say "you hurt my feelings" when she didn't get her way. Last night I got a text from her: "Does pregnancy get fun?"

And I say that back to her with excitement ...

"Is there anything better?"

Don't get me wrong. Being pregnant is very hard and scary and it's a responsibility of such magnitude that you can't really think about it when you are going through it.

But the instant you feel that baby kick for the first time, you can never go back. At that moment and the many moments you feel that baby growing in your belly you fall in love again and again. And those moments are just between you and that baby. I still get phantom kicks sometimes and I miss those moments.

And then there's that baby. The pregnancy is fun because it builds the anticipation of the baby's arrival.

Sometimes when I look at my B I think about how I should've lost him twice. At 10 weeks, and at 7 months. That pregnancy was a tough one for both of us -- for all four of us. Those two trips to the hospital were probably the scariest, most hopeless as well as helpless moments of my life. How empty my life would have been ... and maybe I wouldn't have known specifically the amazing things he brings to my day but I would've known something was missing.

And during those overwhelming moments when I think about what we went through, I grab him and smother him with sucking lips and nibbles on his face. What would I do with out my Brennan? (I do this so often by the way that he now growls and makes biting noises when I get too close to his cheeks!) That boy is the toughest little kid I have ever seen. And with his personality and shining smile he can already talk his way out of trouble. He is a gem. And my heart truly aches when I think of what could've been.

And I look at my Jack as he watches a documentary or tries to figure out a game and I see that little brain tick. I think about an eighth grade conversation with my Mom when I told her I would have a blond-haired, blue-eyed boy name Jack. I waited for him to come into my life, practically my whole life.

And I think about how compassionate my Jackie is with everyone. He's so in-tune with feelings. If I am having a bad day, or my body is just a mess, he's the first one around here to come up to me and ask me how I am doing. And he'll offer a cuddle on the couch. And then I tell him he's my special boy and he'll cut me off and say:

"Yeah, yeah. You tell me this every time. You waited your whole life for me. You are so lucky to have your very own Jackson and Brennan. I know, MaMA!"

Or he'll ask me the most obscure question about something that happened a year ago and shock me with his brilliance. I will say this again: he may be the smartest person I have ever met.

And when I come home from work and my boys have their faces pressed to the screen door and Brennan yells, "MAMAMAMAMAMAMAMA!"

So Stina ... and a few others who I know are preggo ... it does get better. So much better. And the fun may not come until nine months pass but it is so worth it.

Just you wait. Someday you'll be like me. Anxious with anticipation to see your baby's reaction as he or she see COOOkeee for the first time. It's gonna be amazing. Trust me.

135

The summer is drawing to a close and I am hopeful it will be a memorable one for the boys. Although I am envisioning Jack's teacher asking him what he did the whole time and his answer being something like ... "Actually, nothing."

But really it was ...
'Cago trips. Each and every time we pull onto Lakeshore Jack reminds us that he's moving to the Windy City after college. His reminder usually goes something like ... "Just so you know Mama ..." or "I just realized how much I love this city."

Trishie's wedding. Great times. And even though he was disappointed there was no ring for his pillow he had an outstanding time dancing. We recently watched the wedding video and he turned to me and said ... "I really thought I was a better dancer." Of course brilliantly funny and such a true statement about life.

Baseball Tigers. We went as a family, kids in tow. All three were amazing. And I got my Granderson shirt in the correct size. Ga made sure to keep the snacks and treats coming and his grandsons appreciated every over-priced item. Jack really wanted ice cream and got his Ga to take him to the bathroom only to get up by the food stands to let him know ... "Actually, I just wanted ice cream." Pretty smart/scary.

Rex visit. The boys enjoyed their week-long Land of Milk and Honey overload with their grandparents. This included two trips to K-Zoo, an evening with the boy cousins ... leading to wrestling, throwing and sweaty fun and several nights of Carla ... you know who you are! Thx 4 teechin me how 2 txt, bby!

Lake rats. Spent the weekend up north with the Darnells. Jack told me on the way home ... "Hey Mama! I have a great idea! You should buy that house so I can go to the lake whenever I want."

You know what? I can't remember what else we did. Crap! I am no help.

Wait! We got a swing set. That's pretty awesome. And my Jackie-Jack turned five. I am not sure how that happened. I feel like he should still be teeny-tiny.

Jack learned our complete address ... and our cell phones. And for some reason he still thinks I work with R2D2 instead of remembering the actual company name. Kinda a funny, I guess.

B's vocabulary grows with each passing day. He now copies every word EVERY WORD he hears ... Noah, Freddie, Jackie, Buddy, Tera ... throw them at him and he's going to say it and say it clearly and use it again. It's very exciting.

Jack and I spent the afternoon pouring over a costume catalog for Halloween ... you should see what he picked out for Brennan!