144

I realize my blog is now ridiculous. It's a drag on my overly-busy life. I am not sure when I am going to be consistent on it again honestly ... maybe this summer.

For now I will post pictures when I can and little quips that make me laugh out loud.

Jack after telling me a huge list of items he wants for Christmas ...

Me: Jack, don't you think you should narrow that list so other kids can get gifts too?

Jack: Santa doesn't have a budget, Mama!

Brennan refuses to say sorry. REFUSES. He could punch his brother in the face and stand there evil-eyeing me saying "no" everytime I tell him to say sorry. I try not to laugh.

143

I realize the blog has been neglected these days ... but I guess you could say I have evolved socially onto facebook. Maintaining both sites has become an issue -- and the fact that Internet has been down at home.

The boys, Ga and I hit the parade Friday night representing TWO MEN AND A TRUCK ... we all had a blast and the weather was an amazingly balmy 52. Not too shabby for the holiday Silver Bells parade.



Joe is just wrapping up the sad Spartan season and the b-ball season is in full swing. We're waiting to see where the team will fall for a bowl game. Cross your fingers Joe is home for the holidays.

Jack-isms:
Unexpectedly one night at dinner recently Jack said, "I can't wait to get married."
We both sat stunned for a minute and then just played along.
"I think I will get married at 25."
"I was 25,'' I said. "Daddy was 29."
"Oh, so maybe 27 would be better?" he asked.

B being B:
I took the boys to Walmart last weekend to look at the decorations. (I realize this sounds terribly white trash but when Joe is on the road I am always looking for free activities to keep us busy.)

Brennan had a blast looking at the blow up lawn ornaments and all the "Santa lights" ... until a little girl started staring at him. And when I say staring at him, I mean getting in face. It all happened in slow motion. I saw her invade his space. I saw him scoot back. She got closer, he turned away from her. She got up in his face ... and he slapped her. Cross the face, whack.

I immediately grabbed him and told him "We don't hit! No-no!" Luckily the other mom reacted rationally, saying "See, it hurts when you hit people too."
I demanded that Brennan apologize. But he stood strong, chin quivering ... "No!"

Not sure where that lack of patience and stubbornness comes from ... must be the Rexrode side.

142 -- Happy Halloween!

Another Halloween complete. Thanks to Ga and Ma for coming for the weekend since Daddy had to be in Minnesota to cover a loser MSU football team.
The boys had a blast as ... a tiger and Luke Skywalker right before he took out the Death Star. We take Halloween very seriously around here!

141

The boys had a blast today at the Cider Mill. They got to feed goats, look at weird ducks, jump around in a haunted jumpy thing and ride horses.

When we walked away, Jack said to me ... "I am sad for the horses, Mama. They are chained up and have to walk in a circle all day."

Click on the triangle to watch the footage.

I told them it was their job and they would get to run around in a pasture later.

Not sure it made him feel better.

140

9/10/09 Ready to blow out the candles.


9/10/08 Cake is good.

9/10/07 ... 5:08a.m.

Brennan Fredrick Rexrode is two.

***

I realize I am way behind on my posts. Things have been crazy between football season, flag football, swimming lessions, Sunday school, kindergarten and well ... life, posting has been difficult.

Had a snapshot moment today with Jack.

I was in his class today for Journal Writing. It was fun to see him interact with his 17 classmates.

It's a great program. Library time followed. I watched the boys and girls line up. Jack let kids in, with no bitterness for cutting.

The teacher asked if everyone was ready and Jack said, "Yup! All 18 of us!" Which made her laugh -- and me as well.

And as the kindergarteners marched down the hall to the library, my boy dressed in a tigers shirt and Converse hightops stopped and turned back. He smiled, waved and blew me a kiss. And then he turned back and continued his march down the hall.

Yup, that one left a permanent imprint.

139

Well, against my better judgment, I did it. Brennan will be 2 Thursday. The deal was his hair had to be cut by his birthday.

I cried at the salon. Seriously. And when it was all done (after months of harassment from men in the family and others) Jack said he liked it better long and Joe said he didn't think I would actually do it. And that makes me really, really mad.

Of course I still think he's cute but the long hair was just ... him. Every time I look at him for a split second I am confused. And B doesn't even recognize himself. If you how him the after shot he says "Jack!"

Ask him if he liked his hair cut he says, "Hair bye-bye. Hair all gone."

It makes me want to cry more.

138

Jack had his kindergarten testing Monday. I had picked up at the spring Kindergarten Round Up they would be testing him on the basics ... address, phone number, last name, alphabet, numbers ...

So we've been working on it.
And it paid off.

He kicked serious butt.

In fact, I have to say his teacher seemed impressed.

Maybe it was when he swept reading a full page of numbers to only drop two. And when he reached 15, then 17 he told us there was something "tricky" about them. Turns out, he was right. They're called "Tricky Teens" according to his teacher. These are the only numbers you read right to left. Once she reminded him the trick, he got the rest. Both Joe and I were thrilled. (I had no idea he even knew how to read numbers to be completely honest.)

Or maybe when they reviewed phonics. He had to recognize the letter (they were in no particular order), then reveal its phonics and then come up with a word that starts with that letter. He missed few. U, O, E, Z. Remember, he's 5. There are 26 letters. And when she mis-marked the sheet, he pointed it out to her.

F --- ffff --- fantastic
w --- waaa --- wow
k -- karate (with the the accent he heard Jack Black once use)

She quizzed him on his address. Check.
She quizzed him on his birthday ... little nervous, knew season forgot month. (He later thought of it but it didn't count.)
She quizzed him on days of the week. (He got them all, minus Thursday. He knew as soon as he did.)
She had him count as high as he could go -- 29. He stumbled on 30 and then wasn't sure. So she cut him off at 29.
The she asked him his phone number.

"I will give you my dad's number. It's really the best one."

Yes. He really said that.

At the end, we were all smiles and she asked him if he had any questions or anything he wanted to talk about ... so my son decided to take this opportunity to let her know Mama wasn't buying him a new backpack but he was hoping Santa would hook him up with a Star Wars bag. (Sweet.)

He leaned back and scanned the room and sighed with a smile.

"Yeah, this is gonna be fun. Now can I go play with those toys?"

And being the sideline mom I suddenly am, I had to push her to tell us what she thought. I was looking for the two little words ... "gifted and talented" but I got: VERY well prepared.

I am going to assume its the PC way teachers say: Hellya, he's smart.

I asked her if we'd get an accessment of her findings. She seemed surprised and said ...

"Well this is the start of his file. It stays here and will be with him through his senior year."

Wow. My kid officially has a permanent record. Creepy. (Immediate flashbacks to high school, btw.)

Wonder what else show up in there in the next 13 years?
Maybe I don't want to know.

137

So, we ended up telling Jack about the surprise about 7 minutes after I finished my post last night. And in retrospect I don't think we should've but I got voted down by Joe and Jack. His first reaction was great though and and he immediately gushed with excitement for his brother.

I think Brennan suspected something was going on as we were shuffled from one room. As we entered the Breslin conference room, he screeched by me yelling "Ellllmooooo!"

They shuffled us into this non-descript (anti-climatic) room where we sat and waited. Then the "handlers" came in and let us know they didn't know which characters were coming and they had to "rest their voices" ... hmmm, thought that was a little lame. The voice of Elmo probably trademarked his squeak.

Jack was pretty excited by this point, even a smidge nervous. The handler had said the monsters were pretty big. Jack wondered out loud what that meant. I soothed him and told him not to worry, just more to hug.

Then in walked Elmo and Abby Cadaby. I quickly looked at Brennan (while trying to illegally use the video camera) ... he was pretty stoked. He built into his yellow "elmo. Elmo. ELmo. ELMo. ELMO!" Unfortunately, we'd picked the area that went last so the poor kid had to watch all the other munchkins hug up on the monsters.

We sat and watched as Joe tried to keep Brennan detained. That was fairly pointless.

Jack leaned over to me, saying ...
"Hey. Um. Mama. I need your ear down here."
"K"
"Um. I think there may be people inside there. Is there?"
I looked at his face. His eyes were searching my face trying to read the truth. I debated about telling him only because I felt a little sad that the fun would be wiped a way a bit. But then I decided I may as well tell him or run the risk of him not believing me on anything.
"Yes. But it's still fun, right?"
"Sure. Don't worry. I won't tell Brennan."

But as soon as it was our turn, the boys didn't hesitate. In fact, Brennan went right up to each of them to give them a huge hug. We were able to pose and both boys got more time with them than the other kids because we were last. By the end, Brennan was handing out fist bumps and waving wildly.

The good thing about the Breslin Center is they keep concession cost family-friendly. The kids were able to split a pop corn and a pretzel. And they didn't even finish either. Brennan was in heaven. Shouting MO! Screaming for Coookeee and dancing all around. It was insane how empty the arena was ... another wake up to the state's state.

Question: Why make a Sesame Street show for kids last an hour and a half long, with intermission? B wasn't really into the show after the potty break.

He and spent time moving from seat to seat in the Breslin eventually making our way up to the vendor level. I am pretty sure that was his plan from the beginning.

Sesame Street ain't dumb. They have over-priced booths every 20 feet or so, I swear. And Brennan was in love with a ridiculously large Elmo that was ridiculously expensive. Once we were out on the floor, he full sprinted to the nearest booth to point it out to me. And when I said no, he flung himself on the floor. He then dragged his body like a solider in combat over closer while moaning in pain .... "eeeelllllmmmmmooooo, pleeees. ellllmmmmmooo" with huge tears rolling down his face. The pop guy laughed out loud.

136

I am so excited. You would think I won the $333 million lottery. But instead I just won four passes to Sesame Street Live ... and tickets to the VIP Room where the boys can meet the stars of the show -- Elmo and Cookie Monster.

I am completely serious when I say: Brennan may have a heart attack. His love for Cookie is strong, friends. And Elmo ain't too shabby in his nearly two-year-old life.

Since I got the winning call, I have envisioned him running across the room, screaming "COOOOKKKKEEEE!" And I just can't wait!

(He is currently running and screaming out of pure joy for a bath:

"BAAAATH! BAttTH Daddy! BATTTTH Gack! Oh yea! Yo-yo-yo! Oh yea! Bath time!")

Brennan is at a stage where he will say anything you say. Literally, anything. His three/four word sentences are getting so amazing. It was almost as if one day he decided he was ready to talk. And it seems talking is his favorite thing. Each day he expands his vocabulary and the three of us all giggle and laugh in excitement. It's like it's the most amazing thing we've ever seen. And I've noticed Jack is much better about not enabling him with speech. Only after Joe doesn't pay attention or I can't figure it out does Big Brother pipe up and say ...

"He wants another fruit snack, Mama."
"Oh! He was saying SpongeBob Fruit Snack. Now I get it!"

If you ask him his age, he yells (no idea why he yells except he seems to like to yell ... not sure where he got that) "TWO!" and he shows you his two fingers. Except he doesn't hold them in a V. Nope. Instead he thickly points at you with his index and middle finger pressed together and screams "TWOOooOO!" Usually in a sing-song way.

I found a bunch of old pictures randomly in my closet and I spent Tuesday night filing them away in a photo album. I can't believe how much Jack has grown and changed in five years. And I can't believe Baby Rex is no longer a baby.

Every step of the way, parents are so excited for their accomplishments. Rolling over, eating rice cereal, crawling, talking, walking ... all the big boy stuff. We are so happy for them and for you and you feel so blessed.

But sitting there looking at my photos I got this panic, this sadness. They are going to be outta here someday and then what? My whole life I wanted kids ... and I always thought I'd have boys. I don't want this stage to be done. It's so final. Jack is going to friggin' kindergarten in two weeks for God's sake!

Aunt Stina is preggo with her first baby. Baby Furst is giving Mama a tough go. Yup that baby is showing who's boss which should be interested for the baby of the family who would say "you hurt my feelings" when she didn't get her way. Last night I got a text from her: "Does pregnancy get fun?"

And I say that back to her with excitement ...

"Is there anything better?"

Don't get me wrong. Being pregnant is very hard and scary and it's a responsibility of such magnitude that you can't really think about it when you are going through it.

But the instant you feel that baby kick for the first time, you can never go back. At that moment and the many moments you feel that baby growing in your belly you fall in love again and again. And those moments are just between you and that baby. I still get phantom kicks sometimes and I miss those moments.

And then there's that baby. The pregnancy is fun because it builds the anticipation of the baby's arrival.

Sometimes when I look at my B I think about how I should've lost him twice. At 10 weeks, and at 7 months. That pregnancy was a tough one for both of us -- for all four of us. Those two trips to the hospital were probably the scariest, most hopeless as well as helpless moments of my life. How empty my life would have been ... and maybe I wouldn't have known specifically the amazing things he brings to my day but I would've known something was missing.

And during those overwhelming moments when I think about what we went through, I grab him and smother him with sucking lips and nibbles on his face. What would I do with out my Brennan? (I do this so often by the way that he now growls and makes biting noises when I get too close to his cheeks!) That boy is the toughest little kid I have ever seen. And with his personality and shining smile he can already talk his way out of trouble. He is a gem. And my heart truly aches when I think of what could've been.

And I look at my Jack as he watches a documentary or tries to figure out a game and I see that little brain tick. I think about an eighth grade conversation with my Mom when I told her I would have a blond-haired, blue-eyed boy name Jack. I waited for him to come into my life, practically my whole life.

And I think about how compassionate my Jackie is with everyone. He's so in-tune with feelings. If I am having a bad day, or my body is just a mess, he's the first one around here to come up to me and ask me how I am doing. And he'll offer a cuddle on the couch. And then I tell him he's my special boy and he'll cut me off and say:

"Yeah, yeah. You tell me this every time. You waited your whole life for me. You are so lucky to have your very own Jackson and Brennan. I know, MaMA!"

Or he'll ask me the most obscure question about something that happened a year ago and shock me with his brilliance. I will say this again: he may be the smartest person I have ever met.

And when I come home from work and my boys have their faces pressed to the screen door and Brennan yells, "MAMAMAMAMAMAMAMA!"

So Stina ... and a few others who I know are preggo ... it does get better. So much better. And the fun may not come until nine months pass but it is so worth it.

Just you wait. Someday you'll be like me. Anxious with anticipation to see your baby's reaction as he or she see COOOkeee for the first time. It's gonna be amazing. Trust me.

135

The summer is drawing to a close and I am hopeful it will be a memorable one for the boys. Although I am envisioning Jack's teacher asking him what he did the whole time and his answer being something like ... "Actually, nothing."

But really it was ...
'Cago trips. Each and every time we pull onto Lakeshore Jack reminds us that he's moving to the Windy City after college. His reminder usually goes something like ... "Just so you know Mama ..." or "I just realized how much I love this city."

Trishie's wedding. Great times. And even though he was disappointed there was no ring for his pillow he had an outstanding time dancing. We recently watched the wedding video and he turned to me and said ... "I really thought I was a better dancer." Of course brilliantly funny and such a true statement about life.

Baseball Tigers. We went as a family, kids in tow. All three were amazing. And I got my Granderson shirt in the correct size. Ga made sure to keep the snacks and treats coming and his grandsons appreciated every over-priced item. Jack really wanted ice cream and got his Ga to take him to the bathroom only to get up by the food stands to let him know ... "Actually, I just wanted ice cream." Pretty smart/scary.

Rex visit. The boys enjoyed their week-long Land of Milk and Honey overload with their grandparents. This included two trips to K-Zoo, an evening with the boy cousins ... leading to wrestling, throwing and sweaty fun and several nights of Carla ... you know who you are! Thx 4 teechin me how 2 txt, bby!

Lake rats. Spent the weekend up north with the Darnells. Jack told me on the way home ... "Hey Mama! I have a great idea! You should buy that house so I can go to the lake whenever I want."

You know what? I can't remember what else we did. Crap! I am no help.

Wait! We got a swing set. That's pretty awesome. And my Jackie-Jack turned five. I am not sure how that happened. I feel like he should still be teeny-tiny.

Jack learned our complete address ... and our cell phones. And for some reason he still thinks I work with R2D2 instead of remembering the actual company name. Kinda a funny, I guess.

B's vocabulary grows with each passing day. He now copies every word EVERY WORD he hears ... Noah, Freddie, Jackie, Buddy, Tera ... throw them at him and he's going to say it and say it clearly and use it again. It's very exciting.

Jack and I spent the afternoon pouring over a costume catalog for Halloween ... you should see what he picked out for Brennan!

134

(Click on the images to blow up picture.)
Jack is amazing big brother. And there is no person who Brennan loves more.


Here he is trying to get B's shoe back on as the baby watches the T Ball game.


He let's him play with him even when his baby is being annoying. (Even last night he referred to Brennan as "my baby" ... at almost 5 and B almost 2.)

And he's always, always loved Baby Rex. (Look how much they have changed since January 2008!)

And B has always, always loved "Ack".

Thanks to AEssha (Alisha) for sharing these shots with me from her time with my boys. They spend fun days with her everyday and they experience lotsa love.

133

So life goes on. At 1:30 a.m. we learned that Joe's grandmother had passed. And this morning I went to a funeral of my friend's grandmother. And so it goes.

The good news is we'd just visited with her recently. She spent the entire stiff summer afternoon sitting outside watching the boys run and play, smiling as they chased bubbles and she got the chance to hold her Joey's hand for a while. The two hadn't seen each other in far too long, 23 years. A lot has happened in that time. But as they sat together in silence, that time apart didn't matter. There's nothing like that connection.

It was an emotionally draining day for everyone and as we pulled away from her nursing home I knew from my own experiences we'd never see her alive again. In retrospect, I feel like she may have been holding on just for that afternoon.

Since then I've spent time fantasizing about having one more afternoon with my grandparents who died at different important points in my life, at 15, at 18 just starting college and at 22, months before connecting with my future husband. My grandparents never got to experience Brennan's big kisses or Jack's conversation -- what a treasure for all of them.

I am so pleased Joe made the decision to see her. Now he can focus on his happy memories with the grandmother who took a young Joe to the Tigers game -- just the two of them. And in two weeks we'll drive down state to say goodbye one last time

132

Baby is the key word around our house lately. The Rexrodes have baby fever!

I was lucky enough to spend the weekend with my favorite pseudo-nephew to welcome him to the tribe. He is delicious. I squeezed out as many smells and coos and cries possible to get me through until next time. I even assisted his Nana on a bath and quieted his cries with a humming trick that worked like a charm with my B. But seeing him and my big boy Freddie made me realize: we need a baby up in here.

Nope, I am not preggers. But maybe a new baby will arrive just south of me … maybe in … February/March-ish? I have no information to confirm … just a feeling. :)

Coincidently, Jack announced it was about time for a sister. He comes up with this suggestion about every six months or so. I, of course, deflected him to dad who proceeded to say, “Oh yea? Soon.” Apparently he wasn’t paying attention to the question. I quickly let JTR know that if we decided to have another, it could be a brother. He said it would OK. He was just ready for another baby “around here.’’

So, I am now way into the baby naming game. I can get away with this for only so long with Joe until he says: “Why are we even talking about this?!”

• Because I am baby-named obsessed.
• 1981 Kristina Elizabeth. Yup, I named her. I was 4.
• Diary, ca. fourth grade, lists of baby names (both Jack and Brennan included BTW
• Spanish class, sophomore year I got caught designing a wedding decoration for my daughter Caroline Elizabeth who some 15 years later has yet to be born. (Te veo, Katie! Te veo! … screamed first-year teacher Valerie Swanson.)
• Work notes and my imaginary children’s names.

Sometimes I think half of the reason I want to have so many kids is just to name them. Maybe ‘Stina will just let me name any future babies she may have (hint, hint.)

My girlfriend is having a baby next month and I planted the seed for Elizabeth as a middle. Harper Elizabeth can thank me someday. Seriously, what’s better than Elizabeth for a middle? So classy. Close your eyes and picture it on her wedding invite. Ahhhhh … perfection.

But last night as I was having an internal name debate in my head, it hit me. I have never discussed Kathryn with Joe as a possibility. This was at no fault of him … it just never occurred to me.

The thing is I have always loved my name. Always. Never wanted to change it. Not for a second. I’ve always loved that I was named after a beloved grandmother – I think it set the stage for my love of my family tradition, heritage and culture.

I have loved all the variations. I have gone from Katie to Kate to Kathryn (for a bit in first grade after I figured out how to spell it) back to Katie for most of my life. (Kate is now reserved for only my favorite people like grandparents, aunts and my BFFs who actually call me Kates.) I’ve loved that it’s Irish and that it has a “y”. Kathryn Eileen is a damn fine name. I deserve a junior too.

But what would we call her, my husband has asked. We have so many options I’ve replied and how is it any different than if we named our third boy (who is yet to be conceived remember ) Joseph Cleary … Joseph, Joe or Joey.

Why do the standards not apply? Why does the world continue to be sexist? I have a girlfriend who’s a junior and she’s worn it like a badge of honor her whole life. Kathryn Matvias Rexrode, Jr. Damn fine name. Joe didn’t disagree.

Or we could do Kathryn Josephine Rexrode and call her Joey. He scrunched his nose a bit. Laptop on his lap, Mad Men Season two playing on the TV.

Or we could call her Kate … no one really calls me that anymore.

Or how about Elizabeth Kathryn Rexrode? That opens a lot of options.

Joe slowly looked up from his screen, eyes squinty.
“Wait? What? Why are we even talking about this?!”
Times up, I guess.
Next discussion to sneak in: … Joseph, Colin, Patrick, Malone, William …

131

One month from today: Jack's 5th birthday. Working on the invites for his Star Wars party after this.

Pictures: I have been waiting and waiting for pictures of the wedding weekend. I am terrible when it comes to taking them myself and since Trishie is the one who usually takes the shots, I guess I can't expect her to send them to me via her honeymoon. Luckily Grandpa Rex (also known as Papa) gave us a disc of shots from the Sunday after the big event. Those shots are in the next post below.

Hey Stina? Where are your pictures?

130

This may be the only picture with all the boy cousins. And none of them are even looking at the camera! Williamsburg is a boy wonderland. Light sabers, RC cars, cornhole and basketball ... is there anything else?
(Left to right: Logan, Landon, Jack, Brennan and Noah)

Hmm ... navy shirts. Can you tell they are all related?

Brennan carried that ball every where all week. He even slept with it. To quote Uncle Chuck, "That kid's a baller."

I wonder what Jack and Landon are talking about her. And what is it about light sabers and little boys? I think this thing is in every shot from this day!

Cornhole was a big hit with every age.
Pictured here (Left to Right) Cousins Brennan, Noah and Landon. And of course Uncle Matt.


Put Brennan anywhere will sports equipment and he will have a blast. I was criticized for his hair but I stand by it. How can you not love the curls?
(Brennan and half of Landon)

129

Amazing wedding this weekend. Jack was a dancing machine. Pictures to come ... and at least two blogs a month all summer. Swear.

128

Jack graduates preschool. Up next: Kindergarten or as he calls it "my 5-year-old school." (He is pictured here with his teacher.)
Mama missed his first graduation ceremony because Brennan had croup. Ugh. This spring has been terrible for us and sickness. Luckily Joe filmed the whole procession ... including Jack showing his knows his phonics. He had the letter Q.

127

What's better than playing at the playground with your brother? Not much.

126

When I was in Sacramento I found this little rock with a ladybug on it. As soon as I saw it, I knew Jack would love it. I read the little inscription that came along with it, "Lucky Ladybug" ... I can't remember what else it said. But I thought it may be the perfect solution to Jack's terrible night dreams.

So when I got home, I pulled it out of my suitcase and handed it to him with little fanfare. I wanted him to see what it was and I was curious what he would say. Of course he brought up the time that he was a baby and I "let" him eat a ladybug. Ever since I retold that story a few months ago he's been a tad obsessed with it. He even went so far as to say once when he was in trouble that the reason he'd done it was because when he was a baby he ate a bug and it made him make bad choices sometimes. ... I know, ridiculous, eh?

I quickly went into a long dramatic explanation of the power of the ladybug. I let him know that the ladybug was lucky and if you put it under your pillow you wouldn't have bad dreams. He seemed impressed by that and immediately ran upstairs to put it under his pillow so he wouldn't forget.

That night he asked me ... "If I put it under my pillow and my head isn't on my pillow, will it still work?"
I reassured him it would because it was magical and it made the whole bed a safe zone. Again, he seemed satisfied. That night was the first night he didn't ask God to not give him bad dreams. And when he woke up, he said he'd slept better than any night before.

Whew! Problem solved.

Today he went to Ga and Ma's house for the Final Four weekend. As I packed him I knew if I didn't find that rock he'd remember at night when my parents were trying to put him to bed. I looked all over his room for that stupid little rock. Why the hell did I set myself up for this? Of course it would be lost with Brennan always in his biznuss! Why didn't I buy two? They only cost $2.99! I didn't find it. I debated for a while about whether I tell him and hope he forgot or be honest and point it out. That kid never forgets.

So I pulled him aside and asked him where his ladybug was ... he ran upstairs in his room and looked around and then came back downstairs in a bit of a panic. He couldn't find it. He didn't know what he would do. He didn't want to have a dream that he was an ogre again. Then it came to me.

"Well Jack ... the good news is that Ga has a maggggiccccaaal penny."
"A magical penny?! How come I never heard of this before?" he demanded. "What does it do?"
"I don't know. But Ga has a magicalllll penny that he keeps in his pocket and I bet he'll let you put it under your pillow so you don't have bad dreams."
"Well, that will work,'' he said completely serious, looking reflective. "I will have to ask him if I can use it in the night."
"Well ... I will call him and let him know that you may need it."
"No," he said motioning no with his hand. "I will take care of it. I can talk to him about it. Thanks."

For a 4 2/3 year old who needs a magical penny, he's awfully mature.

P.S. As soon as the boys left with their Dad for the D I called Ga to let him know he better have a shiny penny ready.

125

We're all tired of the run. We're not saying we don't want them to win, we're all just saying ... when will the madness end?

B's got a bit of a cold but he's still holding on to his cuteness and Brennace the Menace behavior. Today he was eating the dried fruit from the cereal and when I looked up I realized he had dumped the entire bag through the family room and kitchen. Some of it had taken flight after he rocked out the Baby Neptune.

Then when Jack and I pointed it out, he was quick to say, "uh-oh."

Um, yeah.

124

I recognize it's been a significantly long time since I last posted. That doesn't mean there hasn't been things to talk about. On the contrary, life has been so busy I don't usually have time to do much more than try to ride the wave until sleep.

Of course with Joe on the road, sleep doesn't come easily. So here I am at 11:35 p.m. writing this blog.

The boys are well. They are amazing and smart and perhaps the most good looking children I have ever seen.

Brennan's vocabulary grows with each passing day. He's adding phrases and words and his facial expressions are priceless. I know someday when he blows me off or shrugs off my hug at least I will have these moments now in my heart.

I know I have said this before but Jack proves again and again he is the smartest person I have ever met. The things that come out of his mouth are thoughtful, insightful and truly incredible. We often forget that he is only 4 and 2/3.

I was supposed to take him to a birthday party tonight after work. I thought it started at 6 p.m. On our way there I got a sick feeling it started at 5. I drove that kid to a party an hour late and he was such a champ. I was so upset to tell him. And when I let him know I had made a mistake, his reaction made me choke up a bit.

"It's OK, Mama. Everybody makes mistakes, right? No biggie."

And that was it. No tears, no guilt, no bad reaction. This, of course, made me feel even worse. He had been looking forward to this party for several weeks.

"Jack. I am so sorry. I honestly thought it started at 6."

"Mama. It's OK. Remember when we were at Walmart and I was climbing when you told me not to and I fell? I made a mistake and you said it was OK because I made a mistake. This was a mistake."

I try to tell people how he is ... I know they think I am bragging or making it up. But I am not.

The other day my girlfriend and I were driving him home from preschool and she asked him what he wanted to do when he grew up. He told her he wanted to make movies. She told him that was a great idea.

Then he said:
"I want to make movies but my daddy wants me to play basketball. But I know deep in my heart I am supposed to make movies. I will just have to tell Daddy."

Quickly, Dawn agreed.
"You have to follow your heart, Jack. Daddy will understand.''
"Yes,'' he said, sighing. "I hope so."

Yesterday morning Joe was getting Jack ready for school. He asked him what he wanted for breakfast. Jack quickly said cookie cereal. Cookie cereal is his most favorite. He eats it everyday.
"Cookie cereal? That's all you ever want!" Joe teased. "I am going to call you Jack 'Cookie Cereal' Rexrode."
"Oh yeah?" Jack teased back, "Then I am going to call you Joe 'Computer' Rexrode."

123

Jack woke up last night around midnight and told me that dynamite had exploded in his left ear. Tears and moaning later, I Motrin-ed him up and put him back to bed. Of course he's sick, Joe is on the road.

This morning he told me that he felt fine and wanted to go to school. So I sent him. Because I am a working mother ... go ahead judge me. But he really acted fine. But minutes after sitting down at my desk I reconsidered and called his doctor. They had availability at 4:30. Sign him up.

By 11 a.m. and two big meetings later, I was heading back to school to pick him up and drop him off so I could shoot back to work to hit two more meetings and then shoot back home to pick him up and take him to the doctor. Did I mention Joe is on the road?

Alisha texted me. Her mother was in a head-on collision, was in the hospital and she wanted to go to her. This is another good reason to never live more than 2 hours away from my 'rents. Mom was able to jump in her car and head to EL. She's thankfully here until Wednesday. And she's making me some yum-yum dinners.

I ended up working from home. Working from home seems like a great idea and maybe it would work if both kids weren't sick. Brennan was all over my business and Jack just wanted to watch Madagascar 2 again and again and again.

Luckily Ma arrived and could entertain so I could jump on my calls and get Jack to the doctor. Even by this point he told me he was fine ...

Double ear-infection fine. Did I mention Joe is on the road?

****
Jack asked me if God invented the world, who invented God. He seriously asked me this. He is four. I had no answer for him. So, I had him ask Ma. Her answer: God just is. And he accepted this. "God just is" made perfect sense to my 4-year-old.
Then he turned to her after glancing at me and said, "Grandma, how come you know so much more than us about God?"
Way to call me out.

122

Jack is on probation this week. After chomping on my leather coach, he's being punished ... I took away TV, Wii and made bedtime an hour early.

I know what you are thinking ... who are you, Joan Crawford? The kid's 4. But that 4-year-old did it to himself. And there were no wire hangers -- or any contact -- involved.

His bite ring on the arm of the love seat is in response to a whopper of a chomp his baby brother left on his arm. And both bites? Awful.

Jack's getting really sick of his baby bugging him and getting away with it. And no matter how much we explain a nearly 18-month old can't really be punished, it doesn't seem to soothe his frustration.

Some time after getting attacked by Brennan's teeth, my Jack retaliated against the only really new piece of furniture in my house. And he didn't bite the arm just once ... nope. Apparently the first bit wasn't good enough. The second one is a doozy. It left a perfectly round mark. It's so defined that my dad could create a mold out of it. Oh yea ... that bad.

... and he's lost his privileges to sit on my coach. You gotta respect it to sit on it.

I think he may have done it when I put Brennan down for a nap. He's not one who has to be reactive. He's really too smart for that. He seems to pocket his anger/frustration and drops his bombs at a later time.

I was sitting on the opposite couch when I noticed the inconsistency in the leather. I couldn't really tell what it was ... but when I discovered a teeth mark with no missing teeth I immediately asked him if he bit the coach.

His answer?
"Yup." (With a "that's right" kind of attitude.) He didn't try to lie about it. He wanted me to know.
"You bit my couch. JACK. You bit my couch. Why did you bite my couch?"
"Because Brennan bit me." (So matter-of-fact.)
"But ... I don't understand ... why bite the couch if your brother bit you?!"
"He didn't even get in trouble. MY arm was bleeeeeding! And he didn't get in trouble! So I was mad. So I bit the couch."
Deep breath. Deep breath. Fingers through hair. The truth was Brennan got a stern talking to including showing him Jack's arm and a firm "no-no!"
"I don't understand! YOU BIT MY COUCH!"
At this point the boy started realizing it may not have been the best idea.
"But you didn't punish Brennan. You always punish me."
"Jack. You are 4. Brennan is 1. There isn't much we can do to Brennan but let me tell you if he bites my coach when he is 4, he will be properly punished."
The thing is ... Brennan has bitten the couch. He really didn't get punished ... obviously. The kid is 1. I knew the second this came out of my mouth Jack would bring this up.
"Brennan did bit the couch! Right here! See? See, Mama?!"

Joe -- of course -- was at a basketball game. And I suddenly put him on my list for it.
This is when I actually walked away for a minute. Jack is only 4. But he and I both know he's too smart for this sort of behavior. I started thinking about how we're thinking about having another baby and crossed that right off my list. Oh, hell no.

I walked back into the family room. Jack looked at me like I was crazy. I probably looked like a crazy person.

"Jack, you will have no TV for a week. TV is a privilege for big boys. You biting the couch is not something a big boy should do."
"Is that a long time?" he asked.
"Seven days."
"Seven days? Big deal. I can do that. That's not even that long."
This really, really irritated me. This is where I started to lop on the punishments.
"Really? Well, if it's not a long time, we may as well say no Wii for seven days."
"Whatever." (Yes, he did say this. And he rolled his eyes. Flash forward to Jack in 13 years. Oh, hell no.)
"Jack. You are making a big mistake with your attitude."
"What's attitude?" (Now, I know he knows this. He was still pushing me.)
"You are not talking nice to me. I want you to go upstairs in your room until you can be nice."

So the boy went to his room. I could hear him sobbing. He was not sobbing because he was in trouble. He was sobbing because he was in his room.
"I don't wannnnnnna be in my rooooooom."
Really, at that point, it was a safer place for him.

Brennan woke up. I brought him down, cleaned him up and waited for Jack to show up.
About 10 more minutes passed and I called him down.
"Jack ... are you ready to be a good boy?"
"No." He yelled back.
Yes, I am serious. He said no. Who is this person? And seriously, what am I going to do when he is a teenager? Drop him off in Troy?!

So I made dinner. This kid was going to bed early and I had to get this started.
"Jack come downstairs for dinner now."
"I am not hungry."
Furious. I was furious at this point.
"Jack. Get your butt down here now to eat dinner."
He flopped on the chair and waited. His brother squealed and yelled and tried to get him going. He smartly sat there quietly.

Dinner went fairly smoothly for him. It took him more than an hour to eat his chicken but this is not anything new. Things had calmed down so I thought I would try again.
"Jack, why would you bit my couch?"
"Because I was mad Brennan bit me."
"But Jack. That is my couch. It was expensive. Why would you ruin my couch?"
"Who cares Mama. Why don't you just buy a new one?"
"Because it costs so much money. We can't just buy another one!"
"It's not a big deal, Mama. Just get it fixed."
"JACK. (I am starting to get really angry again and I actually teared up.) Somethings can't be fixed."
"It's not a big deal." He saw that I was crying and stared at me.
"No, Jack. You are wrong. It is a big deal. We bought the couch when we bought our house. We like the couch and we want to keep it."
By this point I was so mad the tears flowed a bit.
"Whatever,'' and then he giggled. Yes. I said giggled.
WARNING! WARNING! BOILING POINT.
"Well Jack! If you don't care about the couch or me, you can't sit on it. In fact I don't want you touching my furniture. You can sit in your Spider-Man chair. That is it!"
"Seriously?" He looked shocked.
"Yes. And it's time for bed."
"I don't want to go to bed."
"Seriously Jack?! After all this you are going to fight me on bed. I don't care. Upstairs, teeth brushed I will be there shortly for prayers."
Oh yea, he hated me that day. And I wasn't a big fan of him either.

121

Tonight at dinner Brennan was being super annoying. We were all admittedly annoyed. He was shrieking and yelling and throwing things just to be ... well ... a you know.

No matter what Joe offered him for dinner, he rejected it. We all knew he was hungry, he just well ... felt like being ... a you know.

Finally Joe gave him an Oreo with the hope that once he was concentrating on that, we could slip in something slightly more nutritious.

But in between bites and sucking off frosting he continue to squeal. And then when we told Jack he couldn't have a cookie until his dinner was done.

"Sometimes I wish we only had one boy."

Joe and I quickly looked at each other.

"You mean if we have another baby, you want it to be a boy?" I asked quickly.

"No,'' he said. "I wish I was the only boy."

"Jack!" We both hushed.

Joe took the typical dad route.

"We don't say that! He's your brother!"

I took the middle sister approach.

"Jack, I know sometimes it's hard to be a brother but it's something you have to do. Everyone has fights with their brothers but it doesn't mean you don't want him here ... or you don't love him.''

"Yeah, Jack. Look at him! He's your best friend,'' Joe said.

"Well, I have friends at school who are more fun!" he said, grumbling.

"He's not always fun now but someday you will have tons of fun,'' I said. "I promise." (Instant flash in my head to fraternity parties and nights at the college bars.) "More fun than you can imagine."

120

Before he stops doing it we must get a video and still shot of Brennan kissing. He's outta control with those lips. In fact he is so cute when he doesn't that I fear we've burned him out because all of the sudden he's giving us his cheek and then pressing it tightly onto our lips.

Jack had his first official play date Monday and we were all excited for him. And when he got home I expected a long, detailed play-by-play ... and got nothin'. Is he already at the point where he doesn't want to talk about what he does with his friends with his mother?

Oh, this is not going to work. Apparently he has not yet realized the fact that his parents are reporters. Follow up questioning is more natural to me than breathing.

119

Brennan woke up with the scary inward wheeze that flashed me back to Jack's days in the teeny-tiny hospital gown and oxygen treatments. We immediately knew he needed to see a doctor. Weekends around here in rural Michigan leave us the option of the kids ER at Sparrow. I refuse to take my kids to Redi-Care/Urgent Care crap-o-la places that diagnose incorrectly and over-subscribe antibiotics.

So Jack and I headed to Sunday school and church and Joe took the baby to the ER. (Jack didn't want to miss his class and there was no way I was going to take two kids under 5 to the hospital if I didn't have to ...)

Apparently when the pair entered the hospital Brennan was his cute, flirty, edible self. Gone was the crazy breathing and scary cough and clingy behavior. Instead he flirted with nurses and cooed and laughed and was the agreeable perfect baby he usually is ... and Joe said seeing him in the teeny-tiny hospital gown with his bright red socks was actually pretty cute. And Joe only had praise for the facility and its staff.

The good news: no on RSV and the flu. The bad news: ear infection/croup.

And while croup and the ears are rough, with all of Jack's sicknesses over the years these seem mild. I will be curious to see how Brennan gets nailed in preschool after being childcare facility free for his entire life. That exposure should likely rock his protected immune system ... this sickness is his first recordable bout with croup. His brother had been sick fist fulls by this time.

It just confirms I will get him in a pre-pre program by 3 if only to help his immune system adjust well before kindergarten and "real" school.

Then when they got back, Joe and I had to head to MSU to tackle some of my own ailments. Luckily we have the Darnells to step in and help with the kids on crazy days like today ... and soon after we got home, Tera had B high-fiving. Fantastic -- especially for a sicky.

118

The boys and Grandma Rex went to K-zoo to visit with family and go to a Portage Central game. They left when I was still at work and were home very late ... so late that Jack crawled up the stairs and straight into bed.

Tonight was the first time I really got the debrief on the trip.

He went into great detail about his second cousins ... Carly and Carly's brother who I had to remind him over and over was Evan at which he would say ... yeah, Evan, I know that.

Funny quips ...

On Casey ... the senior in high school playing
"Mama! When did he become a man?! I mean he's huge and old. How did that happen so fast? He ... is ... a man!"

On Evan's friends ...
"His friends were super fun. We made jokes. But one of his friends is dumb."
"Dumb?"
"Yeah the boy in the blue shirt ... really dumb."
"Because he was mean to you?"
"No. He was just dumb. He didn't get any of the jokes."

On Carly ...
"She's got long hair now and she looks like a man."
"A man?"
"Yeah. She's tall. I started at her shoes and looked up and up and up. She's a man!"
"Do you mean woman?"
"Yeah, that's what I said."

117

A request or game is floating around Facebook that asks for people's top 25 random thoughts. I wrote mine twice and then somehow lost them twice before I was able to post it on my wall. But it gave me a quick and easy avenue on how to update on life.

1. I am too tired to be blogging but I am wrought with guilt because it's been so neglected.
2. My feet are icicles but I am too cold to get of bed and get socks.
3. I hate winter.
4. I hate basketball season more. It adds stress and makes my life disorganized and annoying.
5. Brennan had a terrible day today which worries me ... could the Terrible Twos arrive early?
6. Jack threw up this week for the first time in his memory. Poor Ma was here and had to talk him through it when he panicked and thought he couldn't breathe.
7. Every day B is saying more words ... he's super close on "I love you" but also says ... More, No, Up, Down, ni-ni (night-night), bye, GA, hiya!, Ga-ga (that's Ma), Baba (that's Jack also known as Ack), Mama (this one is rare) and on Saturday he said "Hi Ted" to Stina's dog.
8. Jack is the smartest person I have ever met.
9. Work is way harder then anyone ever tells you ... but so is life I guess.
10. I am closing in on 35 and my to-do list is still very long.
11. Jack continues to want a little sister.
12. This economy is outta control. I am trying not to think about it too much.
13. I have been tired for more than five years.
14. I am finally going to the doctor for my numbness and pain on my right side. Super excited to find out what is going on. That is sarcasm.
15. I am tempted to sweep up 50 percent of the toys and sell them on eBay. The boys wouldn't notice they have so much.
16. I got an ipod for my birthday but I still have not downloaded anything on it because our home computer is not set up.
17. Brennan is moaning in his sleep right now. Why am I awake?
18. I am thinking about retiring this blog. I never do it and no one will even read this for months because I hardly ever update anyway.
19. Joe is in Iowa. I am used to it.
20. The peanut butter scare confirms that I should not give my kids peanut butter ... ever.
21. I love chocolate bumpy cake by Saunders although the fake bumpy cake I had for my birthday was pretty darn delicious.
22. Ga liked his day at MIS for his present. And the food in Greektown was fabulous.
23. It was awesome to go the movies and dinner with girlfriends (and Stina) for my birthday. Really nice especially since Joe had to cover the MSU v. NW game ... MSU lost. So totally worth it.
24. Jack says he wants to make movies when he grows up. I believe he will if he wants to ... he's just that guy.
25. Brennan never stops.

116

I kinda forgot I had a blog. I am so wrapped up in everything else that is slipped my mind. I stand committed in 09 to four posts a month minimum ... Three more to go for January.

Tonight we went to Elsie to visit our nanny's new baby Alivia. My boys fell in love with her instantly. Literally. Brennan couldn't have loved her more. He just wanted to be around her and touch her and smile at her. It was precious. Of course Joe and I freaked when he went for her head but Alisha calmly talked him through being gentle. I realized I need to be more vigilant about nail cutting. He was calling her what sounded like "baby" but it could've been a stretch.

Oh ... and they were thrilled to see "Sha" ... another scream for her. Since leaving Jack has asked me maybe a million times when she's coming back.

Getting ready for bed Jack announced he would like a sister.

Something like: "Mama. I think it would be OK to have a gril."
"Yeah?"
"Yes. And I want her to be as little as Baby Alivia. She was so cute and so little."
"That would be nice. I do love babies. But what we would we name her?"
"Mona. 'Member?"
"Right, right. So she would be Ramona Elizabeth Rexrode? But I like Caroline."
"I like Caroline. I have a deal. Let's do Ramona Caroline Rexrode. OK?"
"That could work ..."
"OR we could do Caroline Ramona Rexrode. Yes! That's it."
"But what if we have a boy?"
"I guess that would be OK. But what would we name him?"
"Patrick?"
"Well, we were thinking Joseph."
"OK. Patrick Joseph. That works."

Sometimes I am just like ... where did he come from?