Day XIII

We’re planning Jack’s 1st birthday party. I can’t believe he’s already almost a year old. Mom and I joke that the party is turning into a mini-wedding reception with so many friends and family coming in from across the country. He’s a lucky boy to have all these loved ones.

Do you think he’ll remember it?

Seems like yesterday I was suffering through my retail job – overdue – not allowed to sit, panting as I assisted customers pick out their very important lotion. All the regular customers stopped in to say, “You’re still working? Oh my! You look huge! I don’t envy you!”
(Thanks so much for that, by the way.)

Mom and I both agree we really don’t remember our labor experience that much. Growing up, she’d say all the pain washed away when she saw each of us and we were healthy. And even though at the time I thought she was crazy, I kind of feel the same way now.

Husband is convinced that this is God’s way to ensure our species survives. He remembers everything. He isn’t ready to talk about – like he went to war or something!

I know the epidural didn’t work. I know they didn’t expect him to come as quickly as he did. And I know we started the evening at the hospital watching the Tiger’s game and the baby was working his way out by Conan. (No clue if the Tigers won – Husband will know for sure.)

I really liked my nurse – despite the fact she didn’t have children of her own. I liked the resident who checked on me all night until the specialist came to deliver him.

I remember I didn’t like the nurse who was supposed to give me drugs but then took a shower instead. I didn’t like that Husband was the slowest counter in the world. And I definitely didn’t like the deep-rooted fear that something would be wrong with the baby when he came out.

I remember Husband looking at me when Jack had worked his way out and saying, “We have a baby!” Even in my pain and delirium, I remember laughing at him.

When the doctor put him on my stomach, Jackie lifted his head and turned to look at me with an expression that seemed to say, “Are you kidding me? What just happened?”

The level of relief that washed over me was like nothing I have ever felt before. I finally had my Jack – the baby I had pictured and named in the 6th grade – and he was perfect.

Then I heard pages over the hospital loudspeaker to my room. I remember looking at Husband and he looked worried. I told him to go with the baby to make sure he was all right. I wanted a play-by-play as to what the nurses were doing over there.

The doctors were working quickly. Suddenly the room was packed with a hustling medical staff. I didn’t even care. I wanted to know what was going on with my boy.

“Nine pounds, six ounces!” The nurse called out.

I remember the doctor chit-chatting with me while the team was repairing the damage left by my son. I believe we talked about The Cosby Show.

I 100 percent remember when the doctor discovered my drugs had not worked. I just about flew off the table. He was furious, barking orders to everyone and quickly pumping my I.V. with narcotics.

I could tell the doctors were scrambling. I noticed they were blocking Husband so he couldn’t really see what was going on. I really didn’t realize the shape I was in at that point.

“How’s he doing over there?” I asked Husband.
“Oh, he’s great. He’s got big hands – he’ll be a baller.’’

I remember the doctor telling me not to worry and to focus on myself.
(Yeah, right, didn’t he know? I had a baby!)

Things settled down. Nurses came in and cleaned me up. New sheets, new clothes, new socks. I woke up to find myself under a warming blanket, lying on packs of ice. Flowers filled the room.

I looked to my left. There he was wrapped tight with a little baby hat too small for his head – a family curse. It wasn’t a dream. Husband was sitting in a chair next to the little bassinet with his hand holding onto the edge of the bed, nodding off.

Husband turned and looked at me. We smiled.

“How are you feeling?” he asked me, forever the worrier.

“I’m OK,’’ I remember saying. “It really wasn’t that bad.’’

“Not that bad?’’ he said. “We’re we just in the same place? I don't know if I can go through this again!”