Day XXXI -- 4

I’d like to tell to all new parents two important tips:

1. Don’t let your baby sleep in the bed with you – ever.
2. Don’t let your baby sleep in your room for the first eight months of his life.

It’s really bad. Jack won’t even go in his bedroom to play without shouting out. I know it’s our fault. We don’t make him do anything. We will bend over backwards to keep him to stop crying. But I think I have finally reached the end of my rope. I would like to be able to sleep. I mean it’s been more than a year!

I decided to look online at the Dr. Benjamin Spock website. The Dr. Spock book was a regular reference for my parents so I figured surely he’d have the answer to our sleeping dilemma… right? Right? Help me Spock!

Here’s his brilliant solution:

"…The habit is usually easy to break once the parents realize that it is as bad for the baby as it is for them. The cure is simple: Put the baby to bed at a reasonable hour, say good night affectionately but firmly, walk out of the room, and don't go back. Most babies who have developed this pattern will cry furiously for 20 or 30 minutes the first night, and then when nothing happens, they suddenly fall asleep! The second night the crying is apt to last only 10 minutes. The third night there usually isn't any at all…”

Oh? Is that all we have to do? Excellent. Why didn’t we think of that? Not impressed, Spock.

The next part of the article scared me. We may be destined to have a third in our bed until 2021.

“…By four to six months of age, a baby who is otherwise healthy ought to be able to learn this skill. By putting her down to sleep before she is fully asleep, you are giving her a chance to take an important step toward self-control and independence. Most of the time, this learning process is easy…’’

By four to six months? What the?

And then this. I nearly fell out of my chair. It’s like Spock was directly talking about us. (Mostly Husband.)

“…Don't start unless you are confident in your ability to see it through to the end. The worst of these problems comes about when well-meaning parents let a child cry for 15 or 20 minutes or more, then go in and "rescue" the child by picking her up and cuddling until she finally settles down. The next night, the child cries for 20 or 30 minutes. If she is then rescued again, she may cry for 40 to 60 minutes the next night. The only lesson a parent teaches using this method is that if the child cries long enough, the parent will come to the rescue. Ironically, the problem is only made worse when parents are tough most of the time, but give in on occasion (when they're simply too exhausted to deal with the crying, for example). The child then learns that there is a chance that her crying will be rewarded. The result? She keeps at the crying for days and days, even after the parent stops going in. When a child has learned to persist in bedtime crying, it can take many days, or even a week or more, to unlearn the habit. So, before you decide to tackle your child's sleep-resistance crying, make sure that you are prepared to carry the plan through. However, in the case of a healthy 6- to 24-month-old child who has developed a habit of bedtime resistance with crying and tantrums, the quickest and surest way to deal with the problem is to stop rewarding the crying with extra attention.
If you have made one or two attempts to deal with the problem without success, you might want to seek professional guidance. This problem can be very wearing on parents and the whole family, so it make professional guidance."

Professional guidance? Great! Just what I want to do. Let's go to the doctor and tell her we did exactly what she warned us against.

I pledge right now that when Baby #2 comes around (don't get excited there are no plans for a second child right now) I will be tough. There will be no sleeping in my bed.

Yeah, right.