So Stina is trying to decide whether she should go back to work or stay home with Molly. Obviously finances and Molly's well-being debated and like any mom facing this question, she doesn't know what to do.
So, Stina decided to post the question on facebook. It brought 13 comments (two from me) and sparked an interesting conversation.
It's pretty important subject for women my age and when I read some of the comments I couldn't help myself but say how I feel (big surprise). Apparently I scared off some though because the comments end after mine! Hopefully someday my kids will read this and understand where I was coming from.
Facebook:Kristina Matvias Furst Working mom or stay-at-home mom? What am I to do/be?
Lauren Ann Victor Isn't being a stay-at-home mom hard work?? :)
Anne Timmers stay at home for sure!!
Katie Matvias Rexrode The good news is whatever you decide you can always change your mind.
Philip Denton Stay at home!
Ryan Buccafurri Part time is the best of both worlds
Kristina Matvias Furst Hm... part time isn't an option, at least not one that is on the table at this moment in time. The offer on the table is at least 50 hours a week and travel and I have no family nearby to help out. However, as Lauren said, being a stay-at-home mom is a lot of work, too - it is a full time job for sure, you just get paid in baby smiles, giggles and hugs (and spit up) not $$.
Jennifer Rose Sutphen I was in a situation similare to yours and stay at home was a much better decision for our family. If u have any questions, give me a call.
Rebecca Abramson Wow...tough decision. Let us know what you decide!
Brighid Horn Matvias Call me if you need to talk about it!
Tricia Craner Villamil Sounds like stay at home if it works out financially for you.
Katie Matvias Rexrode You don't know the # of hours or the travel. You are assuming based on what one person told you. You should ask.
Terry Hartlieb Kristina - your dilemma is interesting, especially the comment regarding being a stay at home mom being hard work. My question to you is this - which produces the best and longest lasting rewards? Who remembers what any of us "accomplish" in the work world, versus what lives on beyond our days? If you can - stay home. That little bundle of joy of yours will care more about the time you spend together than anything else.
Katie Matvias Rexrode First (I have to say this) stay@home vs. working is not really a male issue. And I say this with some hesitation because I don't want it to become some feminist discussion. But I do want to make the point that men live their lives without ever having to face the guilt-stricken question ... do I go back to work or stay home? It's easy for them to tell women to stay home because they really don’t understand the full ramifications of that decision. They never have to ask themselves: Do I risk my child’s financial well-being to stay or emotional well-being to go? No one questions or even asks the dad if they will head back to work after the baby is born. It's understood. No one challenges them for going back to work to continue their career path while raising kids. So unless you've had that debate in your head/heart you really can't say much about it with real conviction.
As a working mother of 2.5 kids, I am proud to announce that for me, I know I am a better mom because of it.
I believe if you choose to stay home, being a "mommy" is only a portion of the responsibility. A stay@home mom has to also be the “CEO” of the household. Her role is to call the plumber, pay the bills, make dinner every night, do the laundry, iron, take care of the children’s needs and make sure her house is great shape. As a stay@home mom, she should be involved in the community, go to every field trip, be a den mother … these things all fall under her job description. Do I think that is easy? Certainly not. Is that something I would want to do? The older I get, the more I know it’s not for me. Even if I had the option, I know I would still do something outside of the home.
We were lucky because our mom was the CEO of the house. And she was good at it. She was at every school event, every church event, very active with top volunteer groups, made dinner, packed our lunches, did the household (and business) bookwork, quizzed us on spelling, made sure Dad always had what he needed for work and lived up to her job expectations fully. She showed us what it means to be hard-working and to complete projects and do it right.
I know I am lucky because I work for a company that allows me to stay very active in my kids life. I was the JR. Achievements mom and in the classroom all the time. I went to every party and Joe was able to attend more events than any other dad. Joe’s schedule (when he’s not traveling) allows him to spend every morning with the boys, get them breakfast, dressed and ready for the day and be a part of their sports teams and know the other parents. Our partnership has developed into one that I know I am really lucky to have … one of us is always doing laundry, dinner and homework depending on whoever is home. It falls on both of us equally, as we are both equally out of the home. We split the household. Just as we split bringing in income.
As you decide what you want to do/be for the rest of your life, you need to be honest with yourself. If to you, working outside of the home helps you to be a better person (and therefore a better mom) then go back to work. THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH THAT. If you can look at the responsibilities of the stay@home mom and know it is your destiny, then stay@home. It’s your decision and no one else’s. And no matter what people say from both sides, one is
not better than the other. It’s OK to make the decision for yourself because in the end your kids will grow up. And you will want to look back and be happy with your decision. If you’re not, it will be too late.
Read this blog from the NYTimes
http://parenting.blogs.nytimes.com/2009/07/10/counting-cuddles/ . A study was completed in Australia that talked about how much “cuddle time” kids of working parents and stay@home parents get. You may be surprised at its findings.
Or try this book:
http://www.amazon.com/Feminine-Mistake-Are-Giving-Much/dp/B001PTG5GI/ref=sr_1_fkmr0_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1279196590&sr=1-1-fkmr0... to learn more feedback from other women out there tackling the same issues you are now – and most women do every day.
Do I worry that I am not spending enough time with my kids? Certainly. Some days do I wish that I could stay home with them and do mommy-stuff? I would be lying if I said I didn’t. But I also feel really good when I accomplish a huge project that helps hundreds of people, and grows business. And I get “thank yous” from people I am really impacting. And when I get home I am excited to see my kids every night; I think it’s better for everyone. My time with my kids is precious and I really try to fill it with fun things, lots of talking and mucho cuddling. I don’t take that time for granted. I really believe they like the time they are away from us too … it’s taught them to be flexible and great, independent people. They are always up for anything and I couldn’t be happier for how they are turning out.
And I am raising my boys to know that their wives may stay@home or may work but either way, it’s what’s best both emotionally and financially. And when my daughter arrives, I hope my decisions will help her never face the guilt/internal debate … she can work or she can stay home … whatever is best for her. And I know either way, you will do that for Molly.
