Tres bien

174

2011-03-22T20:55:00.002-04:00

Little C and Ga!

173

2011-03-03T16:34:00.002-05:00

This is what I have been doing for the last few months. :)

172

2011-02-22T23:12:00.002-05:00

Jack-isms

"Hey Mom! You know, Caroline is almost like having a pet. And since Dad won't let me get a pet, this is pretty cool."

So Wheel of Fortune came on and Jack groaned.

"I hate this show! Let's see what was on Oprah today."

171

2010-12-13T17:13:00.002-05:00

So Jack learned about fire safety at school last week. I didn't think much about it at the time. I still remember "stop, drop and roll."

Jack and I were discussing what he'd learned and he went ahead and showed me the proper technique. Together we picked a meeting point as to where to go in the case of a fire. (Street light, across the street.)

And then he announced he would not leave the house until he knew we were all out and safe. I gently told him that his job would be to get himself out. That's it. And he grew more determined ... he said his job is make sure his whole family is safe. He began offering different scenarios where he would have to help us get the babies out. What if Daddy is out of town? What if Brennan is being unreasonable? What if Mama fell? Again, I told him his job was to get himself out. Period. I told him Dad and I would take care of the rest.

And without a beat he told me he would never leave anyone inside. He couldn't do it.

"Mama, I couldn't live knowing I hadn't helped my family. I won't leave until everyone is out. That's just it."

And I am sure he's telling the truth.

170

2010-11-24T13:40:00.003-05:00

We're a day away from Thanksgiving. Joe is in Maui, Ma is here taking care of the kids so I can focus on my transition back to work. This weekend the Chicago Matvias clan, the Cinci Furst family and cousin Emer from Ireland will all be here. Should be fun.

Caroline continues to be an amazing baby. She's smiley and happy and perhaps the most even tempered person I have ever met. I pray she continues with this -- for her own sake.

Brennan had his first parent-teacher conferences and it comes to no surprise that his teacher thinks "he's the funniest kid she's ever met." Because, well, he is hilarious. He's also friends with everyone and not afraid to play on his own.

Jack is suddenly 12 years old. We recently got Christmas card pictures taken and I did a double-take when I saw him in the shots.

...

We drove by Sparrow the other night after participating in the city parade. Brennan called out when he recognized the building. And then he asked ... "When are we going to pick up Lauren and Dylan?"

169

2010-11-03T21:33:00.003-04:00

Ever since Brennan has eaten real food, Jack has been more inclined to even try. We told Jack when he was four that at age five we would no longer make a special dinner for him. He had about six months to gear up for "adult food" ... and for the most part, he's been really good about it. The rule is you have to try it. You can hate it but not until you taste it. Sometimes it takes him an hour to try something and then usually the item is disgusting.

Brennan on the other hand is our little vulture. It's not that he's piggish, he just wants to eat/try whatever is on anyone else's plate. He's been known to eat an entire meal that belonged to someone else! It's gotten so that we've ordered food, pretended it was someone else's just so he'd be more interested in eating it.

And like with most kids, B-Boy has his favorite foods. But unlike most kids his are olives, pickles and cottage cheese. Today at the grocery store I enticed him to get in the cart with the promise of buying cottage cheese. Swear.

Joe and I took B and Little C to lunch today to meet our friend Ang who was in town from LA. We went to Bravo. And while it's not really a fancy place, it's not particularly kid-friendly either. But when we saw they had a kids pizza and olives were an option we knew we were golden. And that kid gobbled down half of that 10 inch pie. And made us promise he could have the other half for dinner.

Tonight Joe made grilled cheese. His beloved sandwiches are favorites of the boys so I wasn't sure if B would still want pizza. But one glance at the healthy portion of black olives and he was sold. The boys sat at the table each munching on favorites when I heard Brennan say ...

"Jack, you should try an olive."
"I don't like olives,'' he said, scrunching up his face.
"But you don't even know! Just try it. They are delicious. Just try one." As he was talking to his older brother he was holding a tiny black olive in the air. I could see Jack considering. But I kept quiet to see if his brother was able to convince him.
"Olives are the best! Daddy and I love olives -- and pickles. You should try it."
After a short time, Jack agreed. And with a crunched up face he timidly dropped it on his tongue.
"See Jackie! See! Olives are delicious! Do you like it?" he asked excitedly.
"Actually,'' Mr. Serious replied, "They are kind of good. I do like olives!"
We all cheered with delight at Jack for trying something new.
"Do you want another?'' B asked as he ripped an olive off his pizza.
"Nope, one was enough. Thanks.''

168

2010-10-31T22:14:00.003-04:00

Happy Halloween from the Gotham crime fighters!

167

2010-10-31T22:05:00.003-04:00

We had some sad news this week. Joe's beloved Grandpa (O.G.) passed away. He'd be fighting cancer for quite a while and after a fall, it was just his time. Obviously, we are all sad and will miss him.

Joe called me with the news while Jack and I were at the zoo. We decided then we'd tell him together after dinner.

I wasn't really sure how he would react. O.G. is the first person in his life to pass away. Joe came to dinner with red eyes and the boys noticed immediately. When he took Brennan for a mid-dinner potty break, Jack asked me what was wrong. I told him to ask his Dad. And when Joe told him, Jack leaned back in his chair and was quiet for a minute.

Then he said ...
"Well, the good news is he isn't really dead. His soul has gone to heaven where he will live forever. We're lucky because we're the only animals that have souls. So that means we'll see him again someday when we're old and go to heaven."

He is six.

Joe took a call a few minutes later. Jack turned to me and said ...
"You know, Mom. We're actually pretty lucky because now O.G. will be looking out for us -- like a guardian angel."

I told him he should tell Daddy that.
And then he hugged Joe for a good long time.

166

2010-10-10T23:24:00.002-04:00

Caroline is 7 weeks now.
She continues to be a fantastic baby. Good spirits, cuddley and these days smiling and even offering a giggle or two.

Today we had Jack's flag football and in a freak turn of events it was in the 80s. He did well. Though he continues to be hestitant to catch the ball (following a ball to the face/bloody nose last week) he ran for a touchdown and tackled a kid. He;s showing some interest but I think he just likes being on a team and running around.

Brennan is dying to be old enough for sports. He sits on the sideline with the team and follows the game more closely than his big brother.

Yesterday I took the kids to Ga and Ma's for the day to play with Freddie. Because of the flukey weather, they were even able to swim. Of course Dad had the pool warm and ready to go. So much so that when Brennan stepped in he said:
"What in the world? Is this a hot tub?!"

Later in the day, Jack pulled me aside and speaking out the side of his mouth said ... "Mom! Why do they have pictures of naked women?! It's very inappropriate!" Of course I just laughed. I mean, how do you talk modern art with a 6 year old? I'll leave that one to Ma.

5 more weeks to go on my leave. We've hired a nanny who we're excited about. Cross fingers it works out.

165

2010-09-26T13:48:00.002-04:00

Joe suggested I name the blog "Tres bien" ... it's a strong possibility -- a nice play on words.

We're heading into week 6 with Caroline and things couldn't be better with her. She's cuddly and happy and rarely cries -- unless justified. She's been sleeping pretty consistently through the night with the best night so far being from 12 to 7:30 A.M.

I knew I would enjoy being home during this time because I could spend time with Caroline. But I didn't factor in all the great time I am spending with the boys. Brennan and I are actually having one-on-one time with Baby C sleeps and everyday we walk up to school to get Jack.

Brennan is loving preschool though he was a little sketchy the first week or so. Now he talks about his classmates who haven't adjusted yet and just shakes his head. Today was supposed to kick off his Sunday school experience to everyone's great disappointment, it was canceled because his classroom was flooded. His class is during mass so he made sure to let us know (over and over) he wasn't pleased.

Jack is busy in first grade and the increased school work -- and drama. He's decided his kindergarten girlfriend isn't the one anymore and has moved on to a little girl named Angie (who we haven't met yet.) Last week, Jack decided he needed to let Helen know so he could build his relationship with Angie with zero ties. His reenactment of his conversation with her had Joe and I rolling.

He decided to tell her he'd found someone else one day after school on the playground. According to Jackie, she immedialty demanded to know who it was ... and when Jack said "Angie" she was quick to tell him what she thought of her.

"Mom! She told me she didn't like Angie. She said 'Anyone but Angie!,''' he told us. "But the thing is, she doesn't even know Angie! Girls are crazy -- but especially Helen!"

164

2010-09-22T11:57:00.004-04:00

So I am playing with name possibilities ... right now, Three's company seems appropriate.
Things are going well. After a month, we are all adjusting well. Baby C is currently sleeping in her Pack-n-Play and Brennan is watching Mickey Mouse Clubhouse. Jack is at big boy first grade and Joe is at the radio station. All is well with the world.

I will post some pictures now and write something up later.

She sleeps. :)

The boys meet their sister with Ga. Brennan's face is priceless!

Dr. Guerin moments after her arrival. She is is the best. And yes, my blackberry is in my hand.

Daddy and his girl.

It's official!

163

2010-08-28T11:58:00.004-04:00

So our girl has arrived!

Caroline Elizabeth Rexrode
Aug. 19, 2010
8:44 a.m.
9 lbs., 8 oz.; 21.25 inches

Joe and I went into the hospital the night of the 18th and our girl arrived the next morning. She came out facing the wrong way ... but luckily the delivery was otherwise uneventful.

The boys have done well with their baby sis. Jack is super excited and wants to hold/carry her whenever possible. Brennan wasn't sure at first and was a little clingy but has morphed into a great big brother who is very concerned about Baby Caroline's "boo-boo tummy."

She's lying here next to me in her Boppy snoozing her last feeding away. She did lose a bit more weight than the doctors wanted but after an appointment Friday we've learned she's back up 4 oz. It's crazy how 4 little ozs can make your day. Unfortunately they think they heard a heart murmur but we're trying not to freak about it. Her next appointment is Thursday to double check.

The boys are in T town this weekend enjoying Ga and Ma for one more summer weekend before school. I am not sure where this summer went ... Brennan heads to preschool this Tuesday and Jack goes into 1st grade the Tuesday after Labor Day.

My boys are growing up.

But (as Jack likes to remind me) now I have Caroline to be with me when he and Brennan head off to college. We try to let him know he has some time before college but he says he just wants us to be prepared someday he will leave. I guess I have 12 years to worry about that.

Caroline is on a pretty tight 3-hour schedule for feeding so that keeps Joe and I on our toes. Breastfeeding is going really well (surprisingly) though we have to supplement with a bottle.

She's been a fantastic baby so far only crying when she's hungry ... and when she has a stinky diaper. Girl doesn't like to be dirty ... which is a funny since her brothers never really let it bother them. I just love babies so much -- especially my own. I am trying to soak up this time now because I know when my leave is up, I am going to be sad to go back to work. And besides, I figure I only have a select amount of time with her before she starts to show her independence and love Daddy best.

We've been asked ... is it different this time because she's a girl?

Yes and no.

No ... because like with my boys, all I care is she's healthy, happy and thriving. I examine her like I examined B and Jack from head to toe. And everyday I catch myself imagining the person she's destined to become.

Yes ... because I watched her Daddy melt to the ground when she arrived. He was more than thrilled when each of his sons were born but this time was a bit different for him when Caroline was placed on my belly. They say there's something special about a girl and her dad and I was lucky enough to witness the precise moment they fell in love.

No ... because she smells just like her brothers, she makes the same cooing noises and she's just as cuddly in the middle of the night when I know I should put her back to bed but I can't resist one more squeeze.

Yes ... because her clothes are amazing! I can't get enough pink and feminine frillies. I went from a boy-mom to an insta-girl mom and I am surprisingly loving it. I honestly didn't care if I had a boy or girl this time round but now that she's here, I plan to eat it up.

No ... because I am amazed at how lucky I am each time I pick her up -- just like I am amazed each time the boys make me laugh or support each other. Having a baby is like playing Russian roulette. So many things have to fall into place to produce a perfect being. And my brood are all perfect, gorgeous, smart little people.

We are so lucky.

162

2010-08-10T10:20:00.005-04:00

So, the nursery is done! Thanks to my dad for painting all the wicker and then carrying everything up and hanging the blinds and curtain. Thanks to my mom for helping me put the crib together. Thanks to Joe for helping me hang the pictures even though he had other work to do! Now all I need is the letter for her first name to hang above her crib ... oh, and a first name!

New crib (same as Molly's), bedding from the Gap and my dollhouse Grampa made for my first communion.

The dressing table from my cousin Catherine all jazzed up with pink stuff, pictures from Marshalls and ... of course the doll house again. At first I was a little scared when the walls were done (sooooo pink) but with everything in place, looks great!

Two wall hangings from my nursery in San Antonio. Mom got these in Mexico. It's my touch of Texas! And actually the right colors!

Thanks to my girlfriend who was able to pull the ladybug out of the bedding and make pictures for me that match! Rocker is Joe's great-grandmother's wedding gift (100+ years old) and my Pier 1 wicker furniture. It really came together!

161

2010-08-02T15:54:00.006-04:00

Big Boy Jack is 6 years old and I don't really know where the time has gone.

I went back and pulled all his birthday blogs for the last six years.

Year 1

Year 2, birthday 1, birthday 2,

Year 3

Year 4

Year 5

This year we had a friend party at Patriarche Park Batman-style and then a family party at Ga and Ma's house ... here are all the Cleary cousins (minus Freddie and Henry).

Not one had all of them smiling or looking at the camera ...
Michael, Molly, Anna, Brennan, Joe, Jack and Doug

160

2010-07-20T17:10:00.005-04:00

Tee Ball season is in full gear and Jack is taking this season very seriously. He fields hard, runs fast and loves to hit the ball.

And unlike last year, Brennan loves to sit and watch. Note how he puts his drink in the cup holder, lounges back and snacks on his fishies. He's very excited for next year when he too will be on a team.

The boys are doing well this summer. We're a little more than a week from Jack turning 6 which blows my mind. We're planning a party at a park with friends and then a weekend at Ga and Ma's house with the entire family coming in. He's very pleased to continue the two-party tradition.

Yesterday we hit the one month date until the arrival of my girl. Luckily, this weekend we got her furniture (white wicker Pier 1) and even got a little (little) bit closer to being organized for her big day.

Brennan is doing really well with his potty-training and despite being plagued with constipation and being medicated, he still likes to try and will take his diaper off to go potty. Hopefully we'll get him back on track to being regular and he can go back to the the joys of Buzz Lightyear underwear.

159

2010-07-15T16:42:00.003-04:00

So Stina is trying to decide whether she should go back to work or stay home with Molly. Obviously finances and Molly's well-being debated and like any mom facing this question, she doesn't know what to do.

So, Stina decided to post the question on facebook. It brought 13 comments (two from me) and sparked an interesting conversation.

It's pretty important subject for women my age and when I read some of the comments I couldn't help myself but say how I feel (big surprise). Apparently I scared off some though because the comments end after mine! Hopefully someday my kids will read this and understand where I was coming from.

Facebook:

Kristina Matvias Furst Working mom or stay-at-home mom? What am I to do/be?
Lauren Ann Victor Isn't being a stay-at-home mom hard work?? :)
Anne Timmers stay at home for sure!!
Katie Matvias Rexrode The good news is whatever you decide you can always change your mind.
Philip Denton Stay at home!
Ryan Buccafurri Part time is the best of both worlds
Kristina Matvias Furst Hm... part time isn't an option, at least not one that is on the table at this moment in time. The offer on the table is at least 50 hours a week and travel and I have no family nearby to help out. However, as Lauren said, being a stay-at-home mom is a lot of work, too - it is a full time job for sure, you just get paid in baby smiles, giggles and hugs (and spit up) not $$.
Jennifer Rose Sutphen I was in a situation similare to yours and stay at home was a much better decision for our family. If u have any questions, give me a call.
Rebecca Abramson Wow...tough decision. Let us know what you decide!
Brighid Horn Matvias Call me if you need to talk about it!
Tricia Craner Villamil Sounds like stay at home if it works out financially for you.
Katie Matvias Rexrode You don't know the # of hours or the travel. You are assuming based on what one person told you. You should ask.
Terry Hartlieb Kristina - your dilemma is interesting, especially the comment regarding being a stay at home mom being hard work. My question to you is this - which produces the best and longest lasting rewards? Who remembers what any of us "accomplish" in the work world, versus what lives on beyond our days? If you can - stay home. That little bundle of joy of yours will care more about the time you spend together than anything else.
Katie Matvias Rexrode First (I have to say this) stay@home vs. working is not really a male issue. And I say this with some hesitation because I don't want it to become some feminist discussion. But I do want to make the point that men live their lives without ever having to face the guilt-stricken question ... do I go back to work or stay home? It's easy for them to tell women to stay home because they really don’t understand the full ramifications of that decision. They never have to ask themselves: Do I risk my child’s financial well-being to stay or emotional well-being to go? No one questions or even asks the dad if they will head back to work after the baby is born. It's understood. No one challenges them for going back to work to continue their career path while raising kids. So unless you've had that debate in your head/heart you really can't say much about it with real conviction.

As a working mother of 2.5 kids, I am proud to announce that for me, I know I am a better mom because of it.

I believe if you choose to stay home, being a "mommy" is only a portion of the responsibility. A stay@home mom has to also be the “CEO” of the household. Her role is to call the plumber, pay the bills, make dinner every night, do the laundry, iron, take care of the children’s needs and make sure her house is great shape. As a stay@home mom, she should be involved in the community, go to every field trip, be a den mother … these things all fall under her job description. Do I think that is easy? Certainly not. Is that something I would want to do? The older I get, the more I know it’s not for me. Even if I had the option, I know I would still do something outside of the home.

We were lucky because our mom was the CEO of the house. And she was good at it. She was at every school event, every church event, very active with top volunteer groups, made dinner, packed our lunches, did the household (and business) bookwork, quizzed us on spelling, made sure Dad always had what he needed for work and lived up to her job expectations fully. She showed us what it means to be hard-working and to complete projects and do it right.

I know I am lucky because I work for a company that allows me to stay very active in my kids life. I was the JR. Achievements mom and in the classroom all the time. I went to every party and Joe was able to attend more events than any other dad. Joe’s schedule (when he’s not traveling) allows him to spend every morning with the boys, get them breakfast, dressed and ready for the day and be a part of their sports teams and know the other parents. Our partnership has developed into one that I know I am really lucky to have … one of us is always doing laundry, dinner and homework depending on whoever is home. It falls on both of us equally, as we are both equally out of the home. We split the household. Just as we split bringing in income.

As you decide what you want to do/be for the rest of your life, you need to be honest with yourself. If to you, working outside of the home helps you to be a better person (and therefore a better mom) then go back to work. THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH THAT. If you can look at the responsibilities of the stay@home mom and know it is your destiny, then stay@home. It’s your decision and no one else’s. And no matter what people say from both sides, one is not better than the other. It’s OK to make the decision for yourself because in the end your kids will grow up. And you will want to look back and be happy with your decision. If you’re not, it will be too late.

Read this blog from the NYTimes http://parenting.blogs.nytimes.com/2009/07/10/counting-cuddles/ . A study was completed in Australia that talked about how much “cuddle time” kids of working parents and stay@home parents get. You may be surprised at its findings.

Or try this book: http://www.amazon.com/Feminine-Mistake-Are-Giving-Much/dp/B001PTG5GI/ref=sr_1_fkmr0_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1279196590&sr=1-1-fkmr0
... to learn more feedback from other women out there tackling the same issues you are now – and most women do every day.

Do I worry that I am not spending enough time with my kids? Certainly. Some days do I wish that I could stay home with them and do mommy-stuff? I would be lying if I said I didn’t. But I also feel really good when I accomplish a huge project that helps hundreds of people, and grows business. And I get “thank yous” from people I am really impacting. And when I get home I am excited to see my kids every night; I think it’s better for everyone. My time with my kids is precious and I really try to fill it with fun things, lots of talking and mucho cuddling. I don’t take that time for granted. I really believe they like the time they are away from us too … it’s taught them to be flexible and great, independent people. They are always up for anything and I couldn’t be happier for how they are turning out.

And I am raising my boys to know that their wives may stay@home or may work but either way, it’s what’s best both emotionally and financially. And when my daughter arrives, I hope my decisions will help her never face the guilt/internal debate … she can work or she can stay home … whatever is best for her. And I know either way, you will do that for Molly.

158

2010-07-07T13:50:00.006-04:00

The family had an awesome 4th of July weekend with a trip to the west side of the state, and the east side.

On Saturday we spent the day on the Sell family farms where the boys rode a horse, pony and donkey. They also got to see baby goats, lambs and dogs. They had a blast. And they rode a tractor ... a big one, not a riding lawnmower.

When they were petting the goats, Farmer Dan (Mary's brother who is amazing!) told the boys that goats don't have upper teeth in the front and said they could put their fingers in her mouth if they wanted.

#1 said: "Why would anyone want to do that?!"

#2 said: "OK!" And proceeded to jam his hand in the baby goat's mouth.

Those are my boys!

Then we headed to Ga and Ma's Sunday afternoon and spent the next two days swimming with cousins. Perfect way to spend a holiday weekend ... first farm animals, then a family swimming bonanza.

157

2010-06-28T17:27:00.003-04:00

The first half of today was spent at the OB/GYN ... blood tests, syrup and a 32 check-up. Seems Baby Girl Rex is measuring to be a 9 lb + baby. Big surprise.

Tomorrow we find out the results. Placing bets that it's diabetes. Anyone?

156

2010-06-25T15:52:00.008-04:00

I have summer-ized my blog background for now but I need an updated shot of the boys playing in the summer. This will likely be my last change to the blog before the girl arrives and then I will have to come up with a clever name that reflects two boys and a girl. Maybe I will just go with that ...

Today marks week 32 in my pregnancy and those six weeks couldn't come fast enough. Except for the fact that my child remains nameless, her room has not been painted or put together and we have not gotten any baby supplies. Oh yeah, 'cept that.

This week has been a little rough for the girls team. We went to the cardiologist to learn I am severely anemic, which is likely causing my tiredness and inability to walk upstairs (or talk on the phone) without losing my breath -- but hey, at least my heart is still ticking.

I failed the diabetic test so I have to go back Monday for the 4-hour, 4-prick test to make sure I am not actually diabetic but based on how things have turned for us, I am assuming I will be!

I think I have fallen asleep on the couch every night. And then I am too tired to walk upstairs to bed. So I have to gear up in my mind, promising myself it will be more comfortable upstairs. I don't always think it's worth the walk.

BGR continues to kick like mad ... she chose to kick so hard her foot stuck out during a meeting with my boss and he turned slightly green. Literally saw green appear across his face. Apparently boys can't really handle the fact that babies grow inside women.

Brennan took a nap today in underware, refusing to wear a diaper. Now that Freddie is potty trained I thought I would leverage that to get Brennan on target. When I shared the exciting news with the boys last night ...
Jack said: "That's great! We should send him a present!"
Brennan said: "Oh, that's nice." And walked away to build with his LEGOs.

But I left out underware today just in case and Joe said he's doing well with it so let's hope we get this going well before the baby arrives.

155

2010-06-03T22:53:00.008-04:00

Baby Girl Rex ... June 1, 2010.
After a visit with the ultrasound specialist we found out we are no longer considered high risk. We're happily on track for a big healthy baby come August.

I have been a little worried about my boy B. He has been very clear with me that adding a baby to the mix ... not part of his master plan. In fact, for a while there he was insisting he was the baby. He was no longer interested in being a big boy.

Considering I am about to enter week 29, this had to be corrected.

So, for the last few nights we've focused on the good things about being a big brother and a big boy. We're trying to make it sound inviting. Exciting. Something every boy should strive for ... and considering he's now at least open to discussing names, I am starting to feel like we may have made some headway.

And for as much as Jack has been involved in the arrival of his baby sister, this weekend some of his worries spilled out in the car after his brother had just gone too far.

"Mama! I don't know if I can handle this! I mean two kids ... that's a lot of responsibility!"
"Responsibility?"
"Yes! I mean two babies?! That's so much work!"
"Work? What kind of work are you anticipating?"
"I mean, we'll have to change them and feed them ..."
"Jack. When was the last time you fed or changed your brother?"
A slow smile spread across his face.
"Um, never."
"So, let's just calm down. All you'll need to do is play with her and pay attention to her."

Later that night he let me know he'd actually like feed his sister -- and even change her when she was only wet, but not stinky.

154

2010-05-27T11:55:00.004-04:00

Baby Girl Rex is right on track. At 2 lbs., 7 oz., she's dominating the womb and letting me know who is boss. Check out her ballet leg!

In my mind, I find myself calling her a specific name but officially she remains unnamed. My ideas have not been matching Joe's so instead of worrying about it I am pretending it's not an issue. Denial is my friend for now.

The boys are thriving. Jack wraps his kindergarten year on June 11 -- the day we head to Cinci for Henry's baptism. Next week is Field Day and for the most part it's fun time at school til the year ends. He's sad to let go of his teacher and a little worried about who will be in class with next year but overall excited about his summer. His sports of choice: T Ball and swimming. So the kid will be in both several times a week.

Brennan talks more every day and the boys are hilarious to listen to ... their conversations more in depth with each day. Brennan continues to answer things with "No, I don't want to." and "Of course." And Joe and I try not to laugh with the seriousness of his tone.

153

2010-04-27T17:08:00.003-04:00

Had another doctor's appointment yesterday and things are looking great. Baby Girl Rex is growing and her heartbeat is strong. It was the first appointment where the doctor measured me from the outside and she could feel the baby. Super exciting.

And when the nurse checked the heartbeat my baby girl kicked the monitor each time knocking it off of her and forcing the nurse to reset it. I had a fun time with it because I could feel her kick and then hear the impact and see the results. Basically she was saying ... you poke me, I poke you back. Makes sense.

Brennan is blossoming in his talking. It is incredible! Every day Joe and I are amazed at what he says and how much he has to say. For Jack, it seems like he talked the moment he came out. And for B, he's like he feels like he he's got catching up to do. Now if I don't answer him with more than a nod or mmm-hhhmmmm he immediately says to me ... "No, Mama! Talk!"

Last night he explained how to use a remote control car to his brother and dad with such authority we were all blown away. His sentences -- 7, 8 words including words well beyond his age. It's so exciting.

Oh, and he's a wee bit obsessed with going to big boy school. He's wearing his backpack all the time -- even to bed! Let's hope this love for school carries through graduate school. :)

Jack's reading is growing more each day. Every night we tackle pages out of his readers ... readers about Spider-Man, Batman and Indiana Jones. Hey, if he'll read 'em I will buy him. Last night was the best night yet ... a whole page with no help from me and no stumbles. And these Level 1 readers are no "Dick and Jane" ... they've got some tough words in there.

We're on a roll. The kids are healthy; Joe is home. Looking forward to a busy spring celebrating baptisms, birthdays, home projects and weddings while gearing up for my nameless daughter. Life is good.

152

2010-04-19T15:26:00.002-04:00

We have exciting news around the house ... we have another baby on the way. No not Baby Girl Rex, but Brennan's new baby in his belly. Yes, he's informed us he has a baby girl in his belly too! How exciting (and amazing) for everyone. Apparently August will be a very busy month with two new babies around the house.

Brennan has also told us he's excited to "honk, honk" the baby's nose and play piggies. These are his two most favorite things to do to people lately -- and he has no problem doing it to anyone with exposed toes or a nose within arm's length.

The name game is full effect and everyone's got an opinion. The boys, the extended family. And I have decided (though Joe disagrees) we will not formally announce the baby's name until she arrives. I kinda just don't want to hear everyone's "ideas" ... She's my last baby, and my only girl. I want to enjoy every moment of the process.

But I will throw you a bone and give you the rejects.

This weekend Jack bumped Lauren from the list because he told me that he's not a fan of the letter L.

"The LLLL sound just isn't pretty.''

It's fine anyway because I wasn't super thrilled that it's an English name. I mean the English are fine and all but I watched Michael Collins this weekend. I am Irish afterall.

Jack has also suggested Dorothy. I have no idea where that came from ... he has never watched Wizard of Oz and he's too old for Elmo's fish Dorothy. (Thanks for the suggestion, but we'll have to pass, buddy.)

And just in case you're wondering ... I am painting her room pink. A faint, delicate pink. And I really don't care if you don't like pink. My baby, my house. And I have always wanted a pink and green room.

Went to the doctor's this morning with some aches and pains. I will find out Wednesday what kind of infection it is ... for sure an infection just not sure where it's coming from. I need to remember all of these things that happen so when my girl is preggs I can assure her the "normal" side effects. I had myself worked up over this (damn you Internet research) ... and it's not nearly as bad as I had imagined. (Thank God ... and big surprise there.)

151

2010-04-06T18:34:00.003-04:00

So baby No. 3 is ... a GIRL!

We are all very excited. And I guess I will have to change my blog name again. The baby is measuring perfectly, and passed all the 20 week ultrasound tests with flying colors.

No names as of yet though I had a dream last night that she came out 10 lbs 6 oz and I passed out during the pain. During that time, Joe took it upon himself to name her Tessa Audrianna. Geeesh. Wasn't happy when I found out. The good news is it was just a dream.

The family went to Indy this past weekend to be together for Easter. MSU lost before reaching the final game but it was fun anyway.

We went to the zoo ... very nice. Of course until Brennan decided he didn't want to walk or ride in the stroller and we were about two miles in.

Walked around downtown Indy, hit the Steak and Shake and went to the bookstore to buy readers for the boys.

And we went to an Imax movie to see the "How to Train a Dragon"... Jack was good, B not so much. Two is great. No, really. He decided to climb the rows, lose his shoes and make people stand up as he whizzed by. And then when the movie was over, he said "Good movie, Mama." Considering it was 3D and he never wore the glasses and maybe watched about 3 minutes, interesting reaction.

This weekend is the first since August that Joe really doesn't have to work. Let's hope we have a little fun.

150

2010-03-27T09:06:00.003-04:00

Put a fork in it, we're done.
I don't have the heart to tell Jack Michigan State won, again. For the last two nights, he's crawled into bed with me, missing his pops. And Brennan woke up this morning crying "Daddy!"

This year has been the toughest one yet. I can only imagine what next year will be like with #3 a few months old and MSU with what is supposed to be the best team yet. I am booking visitors now so be sure to sign up!

In addition to Joe's MIA-ness, Alisha's last day was yesterday. I dread the day that Brennan realizes he hasn't seen EEsha and Livy in a long time. I truly feel bad for them that this is all falling at the same time.

Last night, to ease the pain, I took the boys to the movie store. Then we hit up Walmart and went to Culvers for dinner. Finally rounding it out with movie night in mom's bed and staying up until 10 p.m.

Brennan's two-ness continues to rear its ugly head but I do think a part of that is the mishap of his schedule. Yes, he did throw himself on the floor at Walmart when I wouldn't let him drink from the nasty water fountain. (Defeating my plan to keep him from germs.)

And as we walked out of WM, after B's fits, Jack, sighly heavily said to me, "Why is Walmart always so dirty?"

149

2010-03-23T00:12:00.005-04:00

Baby Matvias has arrived ... and the name will live on, again!

Henry Joseph Matvias
8 lbs. 9 oz
20.25 inches

The way things are going Miss Molly may soon be named Princess Molly of the entire family! Of course, Joe is convinced #3 is a girl. We'll soon find out I guess!

Check out pictures of big brother Fred here and here.

148

2010-03-11T16:21:00.004-05:00

On Friday, I will be 17 weeks ... only 20ish to go depending on the induction. I can only hope things get better from here. My doctor's appt went well yesterday. After an uncomfortable exam it was decided I may just have these problems for the rest of the pregnancy. My cervix is apparently angry with me.

It sounds dire but at least I can stop being scared every time I go to the bathroom. Maybe it will get better or maybe it won't but at least I know the baby is safely swimming around inside -- just growing and developing.

Grandma Rex is here and the boys are having a blast. Today they walked to school to pick up Jack -- an exiting thrill for little boys growing up in awful Michigan winters.

Joe continues to be convinced this baby is a girl ... so if you're not Baby, sorry. He doesn't care what we have but based on the heartbeat range and the trouble ... he's thinking this baby may finally break the streak.

Boy or girl, I am just excited for the baby to be healthy (a little chubby) and cuddly.

Zero confirmed baby names this time round. I thought we'd at least agreed on a girl but he's backing off the idea. So now we wait until 3/31 so we can have the real discussion. ... How many days is that already?

147

2010-03-08T15:42:00.004-05:00

Brennan with Daddy.

Molly with Stina

Yes, they are of relation.

146

2010-03-08T15:37:00.006-05:00

So Miss Molly came home from the hospital today. Exciting update. I went back to look at pictures of Brennan to see how similiar they are ... it's pretty obvious they are related.

Molly

Brennan

145

2010-03-02T16:45:00.005-05:00

Baby Rexrode. Arrival date: 8/20/10

So things have been a bit crazy since December ... between kids, work and Joe's work ... oh yea and baby #3 on the way ... blogging hasn't been a top priority.

But today I am home on bedrest after Baby Rex gave us quite the scare Saturday. And my big work trip for next week is out ... baby must stay put til August.

I won't go into the gory details because this is one night I doubt I will ever forget. It was only after I saw this baby on the second ultrasound pushing the rollar away did I start to feel like things may be OK.

Thank goodness for good friends because Daddy was in Indiana and Ga and Ma were in Cago. I don't know what I would've done if Tera and Buddy hadn't been around to answer the phone at 2 a.m.

The boys are good. Jack continues to be a very good student in kindergarten. Killing on oral presentations and growing in his ability to make friends. Brennan is hysterical and completely naughty and loving every second of it. He's lucky his brother is so patient with him because one day he may just get punched in the face.

Baby Molly Furst is expected this week and we're all excited for Stina to have her first baby! I am mostly excited about her having to change stinky diapers (just kidding ... sort of) and I can't help but buy cute girl things. I can't believe my baby sister is having a baby. I remember the day she came home from the hospital so clearly in my head. I even remember what my mom was wearing.

Baby Levi Matthew McAvoy Craner arrived last Monday and he's as cute as can be ... March 22 Baby Matvias will arrive. It's a big year for all of us!

Now we just pray that the Fab Five will be happy, healthy babies.

144

2009-12-21T15:24:00.006-05:00

I realize my blog is now ridiculous. It's a drag on my overly-busy life. I am not sure when I am going to be consistent on it again honestly ... maybe this summer.

For now I will post pictures when I can and little quips that make me laugh out loud.

Jack after telling me a huge list of items he wants for Christmas ...

Me: Jack, don't you think you should narrow that list so other kids can get gifts too?

Jack: Santa doesn't have a budget, Mama!

Brennan refuses to say sorry. REFUSES. He could punch his brother in the face and stand there evil-eyeing me saying "no" everytime I tell him to say sorry. I try not to laugh.

143

2009-11-22T23:30:00.004-05:00

I realize the blog has been neglected these days ... but I guess you could say I have evolved socially onto facebook. Maintaining both sites has become an issue -- and the fact that Internet has been down at home.

The boys, Ga and I hit the parade Friday night representing TWO MEN AND A TRUCK ... we all had a blast and the weather was an amazingly balmy 52. Not too shabby for the holiday Silver Bells parade.

Joe is just wrapping up the sad Spartan season and the b-ball season is in full swing. We're waiting to see where the team will fall for a bowl game. Cross your fingers Joe is home for the holidays.

Jack-isms:
Unexpectedly one night at dinner recently Jack said, "I can't wait to get married."
We both sat stunned for a minute and then just played along.
"I think I will get married at 25."
"I was 25,'' I said. "Daddy was 29."
"Oh, so maybe 27 would be better?" he asked.

B being B:
I took the boys to Walmart last weekend to look at the decorations. (I realize this sounds terribly white trash but when Joe is on the road I am always looking for free activities to keep us busy.)

Brennan had a blast looking at the blow up lawn ornaments and all the "Santa lights" ... until a little girl started staring at him. And when I say staring at him, I mean getting in face. It all happened in slow motion. I saw her invade his space. I saw him scoot back. She got closer, he turned away from her. She got up in his face ... and he slapped her. Cross the face, whack.

I immediately grabbed him and told him "We don't hit! No-no!" Luckily the other mom reacted rationally, saying "See, it hurts when you hit people too."
I demanded that Brennan apologize. But he stood strong, chin quivering ... "No!"

Not sure where that lack of patience and stubbornness comes from ... must be the Rexrode side.

142 -- Happy Halloween!

2009-11-01T19:03:00.003-05:00

Another Halloween complete. Thanks to Ga and Ma for coming for the weekend since Daddy had to be in Minnesota to cover a loser MSU football team.
The boys had a blast as ... a tiger and Luke Skywalker right before he took out the Death Star. We take Halloween very seriously around here!

141

2009-10-18T22:26:00.006-04:00

The boys had a blast today at the Cider Mill. They got to feed goats, look at weird ducks, jump around in a haunted jumpy thing and ride horses.

When we walked away, Jack said to me ... "I am sad for the horses, Mama. They are chained up and have to walk in a circle all day."

Click on the triangle to watch the footage.

I told them it was their job and they would get to run around in a pasture later.

Not sure it made him feel better.

140

2009-10-06T00:13:00.004-04:00

9/10/09 Ready to blow out the candles.

9/10/08 Cake is good.

9/10/07 ... 5:08a.m.

Brennan Fredrick Rexrode is two.

***

I realize I am way behind on my posts. Things have been crazy between football season, flag football, swimming lessions, Sunday school, kindergarten and well ... life, posting has been difficult.

Had a snapshot moment today with Jack.

I was in his class today for Journal Writing. It was fun to see him interact with his 17 classmates.

It's a great program. Library time followed. I watched the boys and girls line up. Jack let kids in, with no bitterness for cutting.

The teacher asked if everyone was ready and Jack said, "Yup! All 18 of us!" Which made her laugh -- and me as well.

And as the kindergarteners marched down the hall to the library, my boy dressed in a tigers shirt and Converse hightops stopped and turned back. He smiled, waved and blew me a kiss. And then he turned back and continued his march down the hall.

Yup, that one left a permanent imprint.

139

2009-09-06T23:22:00.006-04:00

Well, against my better judgment, I did it. Brennan will be 2 Thursday. The deal was his hair had to be cut by his birthday.

I cried at the salon. Seriously. And when it was all done (after months of harassment from men in the family and others) Jack said he liked it better long and Joe said he didn't think I would actually do it. And that makes me really, really mad.

Of course I still think he's cute but the long hair was just ... him. Every time I look at him for a split second I am confused. And B doesn't even recognize himself. If you how him the after shot he says "Jack!"

Ask him if he liked his hair cut he says, "Hair bye-bye. Hair all gone."

It makes me want to cry more.

138

2009-09-02T01:02:00.003-04:00

Jack had his kindergarten testing Monday. I had picked up at the spring Kindergarten Round Up they would be testing him on the basics ... address, phone number, last name, alphabet, numbers ...

So we've been working on it.
And it paid off.

He kicked serious butt.

In fact, I have to say his teacher seemed impressed.

Maybe it was when he swept reading a full page of numbers to only drop two. And when he reached 15, then 17 he told us there was something "tricky" about them. Turns out, he was right. They're called "Tricky Teens" according to his teacher. These are the only numbers you read right to left. Once she reminded him the trick, he got the rest. Both Joe and I were thrilled. (I had no idea he even knew how to read numbers to be completely honest.)

Or maybe when they reviewed phonics. He had to recognize the letter (they were in no particular order), then reveal its phonics and then come up with a word that starts with that letter. He missed few. U, O, E, Z. Remember, he's 5. There are 26 letters. And when she mis-marked the sheet, he pointed it out to her.

F --- ffff --- fantastic
w --- waaa --- wow
k -- karate (with the the accent he heard Jack Black once use)

She quizzed him on his address. Check.
She quizzed him on his birthday ... little nervous, knew season forgot month. (He later thought of it but it didn't count.)
She quizzed him on days of the week. (He got them all, minus Thursday. He knew as soon as he did.)
She had him count as high as he could go -- 29. He stumbled on 30 and then wasn't sure. So she cut him off at 29.
The she asked him his phone number.

"I will give you my dad's number. It's really the best one."

Yes. He really said that.

At the end, we were all smiles and she asked him if he had any questions or anything he wanted to talk about ... so my son decided to take this opportunity to let her know Mama wasn't buying him a new backpack but he was hoping Santa would hook him up with a Star Wars bag. (Sweet.)

He leaned back and scanned the room and sighed with a smile.

"Yeah, this is gonna be fun. Now can I go play with those toys?"

And being the sideline mom I suddenly am, I had to push her to tell us what she thought. I was looking for the two little words ... "gifted and talented" but I got: VERY well prepared.

I am going to assume its the PC way teachers say: Hellya, he's smart.

I asked her if we'd get an accessment of her findings. She seemed surprised and said ...

"Well this is the start of his file. It stays here and will be with him through his senior year."

Wow. My kid officially has a permanent record. Creepy. (Immediate flashbacks to high school, btw.)

Wonder what else show up in there in the next 13 years?
Maybe I don't want to know.

137

2009-08-30T01:31:00.003-04:00

So, we ended up telling Jack about the surprise about 7 minutes after I finished my post last night. And in retrospect I don't think we should've but I got voted down by Joe and Jack. His first reaction was great though and and he immediately gushed with excitement for his brother.

I think Brennan suspected something was going on as we were shuffled from one room. As we entered the Breslin conference room, he screeched by me yelling "Ellllmooooo!"

They shuffled us into this non-descript (anti-climatic) room where we sat and waited. Then the "handlers" came in and let us know they didn't know which characters were coming and they had to "rest their voices" ... hmmm, thought that was a little lame. The voice of Elmo probably trademarked his squeak.

Jack was pretty excited by this point, even a smidge nervous. The handler had said the monsters were pretty big. Jack wondered out loud what that meant. I soothed him and told him not to worry, just more to hug.

Then in walked Elmo and Abby Cadaby. I quickly looked at Brennan (while trying to illegally use the video camera) ... he was pretty stoked. He built into his yellow "elmo. Elmo. ELmo. ELMo. ELMO!" Unfortunately, we'd picked the area that went last so the poor kid had to watch all the other munchkins hug up on the monsters.

We sat and watched as Joe tried to keep Brennan detained. That was fairly pointless.

Jack leaned over to me, saying ...
"Hey. Um. Mama. I need your ear down here."
"K"
"Um. I think there may be people inside there. Is there?"
I looked at his face. His eyes were searching my face trying to read the truth. I debated about telling him only because I felt a little sad that the fun would be wiped a way a bit. But then I decided I may as well tell him or run the risk of him not believing me on anything.
"Yes. But it's still fun, right?"
"Sure. Don't worry. I won't tell Brennan."

But as soon as it was our turn, the boys didn't hesitate. In fact, Brennan went right up to each of them to give them a huge hug. We were able to pose and both boys got more time with them than the other kids because we were last. By the end, Brennan was handing out fist bumps and waving wildly.

The good thing about the Breslin Center is they keep concession cost family-friendly. The kids were able to split a pop corn and a pretzel. And they didn't even finish either. Brennan was in heaven. Shouting MO! Screaming for Coookeee and dancing all around. It was insane how empty the arena was ... another wake up to the state's state.

Question: Why make a Sesame Street show for kids last an hour and a half long, with intermission? B wasn't really into the show after the potty break.

He and spent time moving from seat to seat in the Breslin eventually making our way up to the vendor level. I am pretty sure that was his plan from the beginning.

Sesame Street ain't dumb. They have over-priced booths every 20 feet or so, I swear. And Brennan was in love with a ridiculously large Elmo that was ridiculously expensive. Once we were out on the floor, he full sprinted to the nearest booth to point it out to me. And when I said no, he flung himself on the floor. He then dragged his body like a solider in combat over closer while moaning in pain .... "eeeelllllmmmmmooooo, pleeees. ellllmmmmmooo" with huge tears rolling down his face. The pop guy laughed out loud.

136

2009-08-28T20:47:00.004-04:00

I am so excited. You would think I won the $333 million lottery. But instead I just won four passes to Sesame Street Live ... and tickets to the VIP Room where the boys can meet the stars of the show -- Elmo and Cookie Monster.

I am completely serious when I say: Brennan may have a heart attack. His love for Cookie is strong, friends. And Elmo ain't too shabby in his nearly two-year-old life.

Since I got the winning call, I have envisioned him running across the room, screaming "COOOOKKKKEEEE!" And I just can't wait!

(He is currently running and screaming out of pure joy for a bath:

"BAAAATH! BAttTH Daddy! BATTTTH Gack! Oh yea! Yo-yo-yo! Oh yea! Bath time!")

Brennan is at a stage where he will say anything you say. Literally, anything. His three/four word sentences are getting so amazing. It was almost as if one day he decided he was ready to talk. And it seems talking is his favorite thing. Each day he expands his vocabulary and the three of us all giggle and laugh in excitement. It's like it's the most amazing thing we've ever seen. And I've noticed Jack is much better about not enabling him with speech. Only after Joe doesn't pay attention or I can't figure it out does Big Brother pipe up and say ...

"He wants another fruit snack, Mama."
"Oh! He was saying SpongeBob Fruit Snack. Now I get it!"

If you ask him his age, he yells (no idea why he yells except he seems to like to yell ... not sure where he got that) "TWO!" and he shows you his two fingers. Except he doesn't hold them in a V. Nope. Instead he thickly points at you with his index and middle finger pressed together and screams "TWOOooOO!" Usually in a sing-song way.

I found a bunch of old pictures randomly in my closet and I spent Tuesday night filing them away in a photo album. I can't believe how much Jack has grown and changed in five years. And I can't believe Baby Rex is no longer a baby.

Every step of the way, parents are so excited for their accomplishments. Rolling over, eating rice cereal, crawling, talking, walking ... all the big boy stuff. We are so happy for them and for you and you feel so blessed.

But sitting there looking at my photos I got this panic, this sadness. They are going to be outta here someday and then what? My whole life I wanted kids ... and I always thought I'd have boys. I don't want this stage to be done. It's so final. Jack is going to friggin' kindergarten in two weeks for God's sake!

Aunt Stina is preggo with her first baby. Baby Furst is giving Mama a tough go. Yup that baby is showing who's boss which should be interested for the baby of the family who would say "you hurt my feelings" when she didn't get her way. Last night I got a text from her: "Does pregnancy get fun?"

And I say that back to her with excitement ...

"Is there anything better?"

Don't get me wrong. Being pregnant is very hard and scary and it's a responsibility of such magnitude that you can't really think about it when you are going through it.

But the instant you feel that baby kick for the first time, you can never go back. At that moment and the many moments you feel that baby growing in your belly you fall in love again and again. And those moments are just between you and that baby. I still get phantom kicks sometimes and I miss those moments.

And then there's that baby. The pregnancy is fun because it builds the anticipation of the baby's arrival.

Sometimes when I look at my B I think about how I should've lost him twice. At 10 weeks, and at 7 months. That pregnancy was a tough one for both of us -- for all four of us. Those two trips to the hospital were probably the scariest, most hopeless as well as helpless moments of my life. How empty my life would have been ... and maybe I wouldn't have known specifically the amazing things he brings to my day but I would've known something was missing.

And during those overwhelming moments when I think about what we went through, I grab him and smother him with sucking lips and nibbles on his face. What would I do with out my Brennan? (I do this so often by the way that he now growls and makes biting noises when I get too close to his cheeks!) That boy is the toughest little kid I have ever seen. And with his personality and shining smile he can already talk his way out of trouble. He is a gem. And my heart truly aches when I think of what could've been.

And I look at my Jack as he watches a documentary or tries to figure out a game and I see that little brain tick. I think about an eighth grade conversation with my Mom when I told her I would have a blond-haired, blue-eyed boy name Jack. I waited for him to come into my life, practically my whole life.

And I think about how compassionate my Jackie is with everyone. He's so in-tune with feelings. If I am having a bad day, or my body is just a mess, he's the first one around here to come up to me and ask me how I am doing. And he'll offer a cuddle on the couch. And then I tell him he's my special boy and he'll cut me off and say:

"Yeah, yeah. You tell me this every time. You waited your whole life for me. You are so lucky to have your very own Jackson and Brennan. I know, MaMA!"

Or he'll ask me the most obscure question about something that happened a year ago and shock me with his brilliance. I will say this again: he may be the smartest person I have ever met.

And when I come home from work and my boys have their faces pressed to the screen door and Brennan yells, "MAMAMAMAMAMAMAMA!"

So Stina ... and a few others who I know are preggo ... it does get better. So much better. And the fun may not come until nine months pass but it is so worth it.

Just you wait. Someday you'll be like me. Anxious with anticipation to see your baby's reaction as he or she see COOOkeee for the first time. It's gonna be amazing. Trust me.

135

2009-08-10T23:36:00.010-04:00

The summer is drawing to a close and I am hopeful it will be a memorable one for the boys. Although I am envisioning Jack's teacher asking him what he did the whole time and his answer being something like ... "Actually, nothing."

But really it was ...
'Cago trips. Each and every time we pull onto Lakeshore Jack reminds us that he's moving to the Windy City after college. His reminder usually goes something like ... "Just so you know Mama ..." or "I just realized how much I love this city."

Trishie's wedding. Great times. And even though he was disappointed there was no ring for his pillow he had an outstanding time dancing. We recently watched the wedding video and he turned to me and said ... "I really thought I was a better dancer." Of course brilliantly funny and such a true statement about life.

Baseball Tigers. We went as a family, kids in tow. All three were amazing. And I got my Granderson shirt in the correct size. Ga made sure to keep the snacks and treats coming and his grandsons appreciated every over-priced item. Jack really wanted ice cream and got his Ga to take him to the bathroom only to get up by the food stands to let him know ... "Actually, I just wanted ice cream." Pretty smart/scary.

Rex visit. The boys enjoyed their week-long Land of Milk and Honey overload with their grandparents. This included two trips to K-Zoo, an evening with the boy cousins ... leading to wrestling, throwing and sweaty fun and several nights of Carla ... you know who you are! Thx 4 teechin me how 2 txt, bby!

Lake rats. Spent the weekend up north with the Darnells. Jack told me on the way home ... "Hey Mama! I have a great idea! You should buy that house so I can go to the lake whenever I want."

You know what? I can't remember what else we did. Crap! I am no help.

Wait! We got a swing set. That's pretty awesome. And my Jackie-Jack turned five. I am not sure how that happened. I feel like he should still be teeny-tiny.

Jack learned our complete address ... and our cell phones. And for some reason he still thinks I work with R2D2 instead of remembering the actual company name. Kinda a funny, I guess.

B's vocabulary grows with each passing day. He now copies every word EVERY WORD he hears ... Noah, Freddie, Jackie, Buddy, Tera ... throw them at him and he's going to say it and say it clearly and use it again. It's very exciting.

Jack and I spent the afternoon pouring over a costume catalog for Halloween ... you should see what he picked out for Brennan!

134

2009-07-21T16:57:00.005-04:00

(Click on the images to blow up picture.)
Jack is amazing big brother. And there is no person who Brennan loves more.

Here he is trying to get B's shoe back on as the baby watches the T Ball game.

He let's him play with him even when his baby is being annoying. (Even last night he referred to Brennan as "my baby" ... at almost 5 and B almost 2.)

And he's always, always loved Baby Rex. (Look how much they have changed since January 2008!)

And B has always, always loved "Ack".

Thanks to AEssha (Alisha) for sharing these shots with me from her time with my boys. They spend fun days with her everyday and they experience lotsa love.

133

2009-07-17T19:51:00.002-04:00

So life goes on. At 1:30 a.m. we learned that Joe's grandmother had passed. And this morning I went to a funeral of my friend's grandmother. And so it goes.

The good news is we'd just visited with her recently. She spent the entire stiff summer afternoon sitting outside watching the boys run and play, smiling as they chased bubbles and she got the chance to hold her Joey's hand for a while. The two hadn't seen each other in far too long, 23 years. A lot has happened in that time. But as they sat together in silence, that time apart didn't matter. There's nothing like that connection.

It was an emotionally draining day for everyone and as we pulled away from her nursing home I knew from my own experiences we'd never see her alive again. In retrospect, I feel like she may have been holding on just for that afternoon.

Since then I've spent time fantasizing about having one more afternoon with my grandparents who died at different important points in my life, at 15, at 18 just starting college and at 22, months before connecting with my future husband. My grandparents never got to experience Brennan's big kisses or Jack's conversation -- what a treasure for all of them.

I am so pleased Joe made the decision to see her. Now he can focus on his happy memories with the grandmother who took a young Joe to the Tigers game -- just the two of them. And in two weeks we'll drive down state to say goodbye one last time

132

2009-07-16T17:10:00.002-04:00

Baby is the key word around our house lately. The Rexrodes have baby fever!

I was lucky enough to spend the weekend with my favorite pseudo-nephew to welcome him to the tribe. He is delicious. I squeezed out as many smells and coos and cries possible to get me through until next time. I even assisted his Nana on a bath and quieted his cries with a humming trick that worked like a charm with my B. But seeing him and my big boy Freddie made me realize: we need a baby up in here.

Nope, I am not preggers. But maybe a new baby will arrive just south of me … maybe in … February/March-ish? I have no information to confirm … just a feeling. :)

Coincidently, Jack announced it was about time for a sister. He comes up with this suggestion about every six months or so. I, of course, deflected him to dad who proceeded to say, “Oh yea? Soon.” Apparently he wasn’t paying attention to the question. I quickly let JTR know that if we decided to have another, it could be a brother. He said it would OK. He was just ready for another baby “around here.’’

So, I am now way into the baby naming game. I can get away with this for only so long with Joe until he says: “Why are we even talking about this?!”

Because I am baby-named obsessed.
1981 Kristina Elizabeth. Yup, I named her. I was 4.
Diary, ca. fourth grade, lists of baby names (both Jack and Brennan included BTW
Spanish class, sophomore year I got caught designing a wedding decoration for my daughter Caroline Elizabeth who some 15 years later has yet to be born. (Te veo, Katie! Te veo! … screamed first-year teacher Valerie Swanson.)
Work notes and my imaginary children’s names.

Sometimes I think half of the reason I want to have so many kids is just to name them. Maybe ‘Stina will just let me name any future babies she may have (hint, hint.)

My girlfriend is having a baby next month and I planted the seed for Elizabeth as a middle. Harper Elizabeth can thank me someday. Seriously, what’s better than Elizabeth for a middle? So classy. Close your eyes and picture it on her wedding invite. Ahhhhh … perfection.

But last night as I was having an internal name debate in my head, it hit me. I have never discussed Kathryn with Joe as a possibility. This was at no fault of him … it just never occurred to me.

The thing is I have always loved my name. Always. Never wanted to change it. Not for a second. I’ve always loved that I was named after a beloved grandmother – I think it set the stage for my love of my family tradition, heritage and culture.

I have loved all the variations. I have gone from Katie to Kate to Kathryn (for a bit in first grade after I figured out how to spell it) back to Katie for most of my life. (Kate is now reserved for only my favorite people like grandparents, aunts and my BFFs who actually call me Kates.) I’ve loved that it’s Irish and that it has a “y”. Kathryn Eileen is a damn fine name. I deserve a junior too.

But what would we call her, my husband has asked. We have so many options I’ve replied and how is it any different than if we named our third boy (who is yet to be conceived remember ) Joseph Cleary … Joseph, Joe or Joey.

Why do the standards not apply? Why does the world continue to be sexist? I have a girlfriend who’s a junior and she’s worn it like a badge of honor her whole life. Kathryn Matvias Rexrode, Jr. Damn fine name. Joe didn’t disagree.

Or we could do Kathryn Josephine Rexrode and call her Joey. He scrunched his nose a bit. Laptop on his lap, Mad Men Season two playing on the TV.

Or we could call her Kate … no one really calls me that anymore.

Or how about Elizabeth Kathryn Rexrode? That opens a lot of options.

Joe slowly looked up from his screen, eyes squinty.
“Wait? What? Why are we even talking about this?!”
Times up, I guess.
Next discussion to sneak in: … Joseph, Colin, Patrick, Malone, William …

131

2009-06-29T20:47:00.003-04:00

One month from today: Jack's 5th birthday. Working on the invites for his Star Wars party after this.

Pictures: I have been waiting and waiting for pictures of the wedding weekend. I am terrible when it comes to taking them myself and since Trishie is the one who usually takes the shots, I guess I can't expect her to send them to me via her honeymoon. Luckily Grandpa Rex (also known as Papa) gave us a disc of shots from the Sunday after the big event. Those shots are in the next post below.

Hey Stina? Where are your pictures?

130

2009-06-29T20:08:00.009-04:00

This may be the only picture with all the boy cousins. And none of them are even looking at the camera! Williamsburg is a boy wonderland. Light sabers, RC cars, cornhole and basketball ... is there anything else?
(Left to right: Logan, Landon, Jack, Brennan and Noah)

Hmm ... navy shirts. Can you tell they are all related?

Brennan carried that ball every where all week. He even slept with it. To quote Uncle Chuck, "That kid's a baller."

I wonder what Jack and Landon are talking about her. And what is it about light sabers and little boys? I think this thing is in every shot from this day!

Cornhole was a big hit with every age.
Pictured here (Left to Right) Cousins Brennan, Noah and Landon. And of course Uncle Matt.

Put Brennan anywhere will sports equipment and he will have a blast. I was criticized for his hair but I stand by it. How can you not love the curls?
(Brennan and half of Landon)

129

2009-06-21T23:07:00.002-04:00

Amazing wedding this weekend. Jack was a dancing machine. Pictures to come ... and at least two blogs a month all summer. Swear.

128

2009-06-05T08:38:00.003-04:00

Jack graduates preschool. Up next: Kindergarten or as he calls it "my 5-year-old school." (He is pictured here with his teacher.)
Mama missed his first graduation ceremony because Brennan had croup. Ugh. This spring has been terrible for us and sickness. Luckily Joe filmed the whole procession ... including Jack showing his knows his phonics. He had the letter Q.

127

2009-04-13T23:13:00.001-04:00

What's better than playing at the playground with your brother? Not much.

126

2009-04-03T01:10:00.007-04:00

When I was in Sacramento I found this little rock with a ladybug on it. As soon as I saw it, I knew Jack would love it. I read the little inscription that came along with it, "Lucky Ladybug" ... I can't remember what else it said. But I thought it may be the perfect solution to Jack's terrible night dreams.

So when I got home, I pulled it out of my suitcase and handed it to him with little fanfare. I wanted him to see what it was and I was curious what he would say. Of course he brought up the time that he was a baby and I "let" him eat a ladybug. Ever since I retold that story a few months ago he's been a tad obsessed with it. He even went so far as to say once when he was in trouble that the reason he'd done it was because when he was a baby he ate a bug and it made him make bad choices sometimes. ... I know, ridiculous, eh?

I quickly went into a long dramatic explanation of the power of the ladybug. I let him know that the ladybug was lucky and if you put it under your pillow you wouldn't have bad dreams. He seemed impressed by that and immediately ran upstairs to put it under his pillow so he wouldn't forget.

That night he asked me ... "If I put it under my pillow and my head isn't on my pillow, will it still work?"
I reassured him it would because it was magical and it made the whole bed a safe zone. Again, he seemed satisfied. That night was the first night he didn't ask God to not give him bad dreams. And when he woke up, he said he'd slept better than any night before.

Whew! Problem solved.

Today he went to Ga and Ma's house for the Final Four weekend. As I packed him I knew if I didn't find that rock he'd remember at night when my parents were trying to put him to bed. I looked all over his room for that stupid little rock. Why the hell did I set myself up for this? Of course it would be lost with Brennan always in his biznuss! Why didn't I buy two? They only cost $2.99! I didn't find it. I debated for a while about whether I tell him and hope he forgot or be honest and point it out. That kid never forgets.

So I pulled him aside and asked him where his ladybug was ... he ran upstairs in his room and looked around and then came back downstairs in a bit of a panic. He couldn't find it. He didn't know what he would do. He didn't want to have a dream that he was an ogre again. Then it came to me.

"Well Jack ... the good news is that Ga has a maggggiccccaaal penny."
"A magical penny?! How come I never heard of this before?" he demanded. "What does it do?"
"I don't know. But Ga has a magicalllll penny that he keeps in his pocket and I bet he'll let you put it under your pillow so you don't have bad dreams."
"Well, that will work,'' he said completely serious, looking reflective. "I will have to ask him if I can use it in the night."
"Well ... I will call him and let him know that you may need it."
"No," he said motioning no with his hand. "I will take care of it. I can talk to him about it. Thanks."

For a 4 2/3 year old who needs a magical penny, he's awfully mature.

P.S. As soon as the boys left with their Dad for the D I called Ga to let him know he better have a shiny penny ready.

125

2009-03-31T21:32:00.003-04:00

We're all tired of the run. We're not saying we don't want them to win, we're all just saying ... when will the madness end?

B's got a bit of a cold but he's still holding on to his cuteness and Brennace the Menace behavior. Today he was eating the dried fruit from the cereal and when I looked up I realized he had dumped the entire bag through the family room and kitchen. Some of it had taken flight after he rocked out the Baby Neptune.

Then when Jack and I pointed it out, he was quick to say, "uh-oh."

Um, yeah.

124

2009-03-26T23:30:00.003-04:00

I recognize it's been a significantly long time since I last posted. That doesn't mean there hasn't been things to talk about. On the contrary, life has been so busy I don't usually have time to do much more than try to ride the wave until sleep.

Of course with Joe on the road, sleep doesn't come easily. So here I am at 11:35 p.m. writing this blog.

The boys are well. They are amazing and smart and perhaps the most good looking children I have ever seen.

Brennan's vocabulary grows with each passing day. He's adding phrases and words and his facial expressions are priceless. I know someday when he blows me off or shrugs off my hug at least I will have these moments now in my heart.

I know I have said this before but Jack proves again and again he is the smartest person I have ever met. The things that come out of his mouth are thoughtful, insightful and truly incredible. We often forget that he is only 4 and 2/3.

I was supposed to take him to a birthday party tonight after work. I thought it started at 6 p.m. On our way there I got a sick feeling it started at 5. I drove that kid to a party an hour late and he was such a champ. I was so upset to tell him. And when I let him know I had made a mistake, his reaction made me choke up a bit.

"It's OK, Mama. Everybody makes mistakes, right? No biggie."

And that was it. No tears, no guilt, no bad reaction. This, of course, made me feel even worse. He had been looking forward to this party for several weeks.

"Jack. I am so sorry. I honestly thought it started at 6."

"Mama. It's OK. Remember when we were at Walmart and I was climbing when you told me not to and I fell? I made a mistake and you said it was OK because I made a mistake. This was a mistake."

I try to tell people how he is ... I know they think I am bragging or making it up. But I am not.

The other day my girlfriend and I were driving him home from preschool and she asked him what he wanted to do when he grew up. He told her he wanted to make movies. She told him that was a great idea.

Then he said:
"I want to make movies but my daddy wants me to play basketball. But I know deep in my heart I am supposed to make movies. I will just have to tell Daddy."

Quickly, Dawn agreed.
"You have to follow your heart, Jack. Daddy will understand.''
"Yes,'' he said, sighing. "I hope so."

Yesterday morning Joe was getting Jack ready for school. He asked him what he wanted for breakfast. Jack quickly said cookie cereal. Cookie cereal is his most favorite. He eats it everyday.
"Cookie cereal? That's all you ever want!" Joe teased. "I am going to call you Jack 'Cookie Cereal' Rexrode."
"Oh yeah?" Jack teased back, "Then I am going to call you Joe 'Computer' Rexrode."

123

2009-03-02T23:00:00.002-05:00

Jack woke up last night around midnight and told me that dynamite had exploded in his left ear. Tears and moaning later, I Motrin-ed him up and put him back to bed. Of course he's sick, Joe is on the road.

This morning he told me that he felt fine and wanted to go to school. So I sent him. Because I am a working mother ... go ahead judge me. But he really acted fine. But minutes after sitting down at my desk I reconsidered and called his doctor. They had availability at 4:30. Sign him up.

By 11 a.m. and two big meetings later, I was heading back to school to pick him up and drop him off so I could shoot back to work to hit two more meetings and then shoot back home to pick him up and take him to the doctor. Did I mention Joe is on the road?

Alisha texted me. Her mother was in a head-on collision, was in the hospital and she wanted to go to her. This is another good reason to never live more than 2 hours away from my 'rents. Mom was able to jump in her car and head to EL. She's thankfully here until Wednesday. And she's making me some yum-yum dinners.

I ended up working from home. Working from home seems like a great idea and maybe it would work if both kids weren't sick. Brennan was all over my business and Jack just wanted to watch Madagascar 2 again and again and again.

Luckily Ma arrived and could entertain so I could jump on my calls and get Jack to the doctor. Even by this point he told me he was fine ...

Double ear-infection fine. Did I mention Joe is on the road?

****
Jack asked me if God invented the world, who invented God. He seriously asked me this. He is four. I had no answer for him. So, I had him ask Ma. Her answer: God just is. And he accepted this. "God just is" made perfect sense to my 4-year-old.
Then he turned to her after glancing at me and said, "Grandma, how come you know so much more than us about God?"
Way to call me out.

122

2009-02-25T23:12:00.002-05:00

Jack is on probation this week. After chomping on my leather coach, he's being punished ... I took away TV, Wii and made bedtime an hour early.

I know what you are thinking ... who are you, Joan Crawford? The kid's 4. But that 4-year-old did it to himself. And there were no wire hangers -- or any contact -- involved.

His bite ring on the arm of the love seat is in response to a whopper of a chomp his baby brother left on his arm. And both bites? Awful.

Jack's getting really sick of his baby bugging him and getting away with it. And no matter how much we explain a nearly 18-month old can't really be punished, it doesn't seem to soothe his frustration.

Some time after getting attacked by Brennan's teeth, my Jack retaliated against the only really new piece of furniture in my house. And he didn't bite the arm just once ... nope. Apparently the first bit wasn't good enough. The second one is a doozy. It left a perfectly round mark. It's so defined that my dad could create a mold out of it. Oh yea ... that bad.

... and he's lost his privileges to sit on my coach. You gotta respect it to sit on it.

I think he may have done it when I put Brennan down for a nap. He's not one who has to be reactive. He's really too smart for that. He seems to pocket his anger/frustration and drops his bombs at a later time.

I was sitting on the opposite couch when I noticed the inconsistency in the leather. I couldn't really tell what it was ... but when I discovered a teeth mark with no missing teeth I immediately asked him if he bit the coach.

His answer?
"Yup." (With a "that's right" kind of attitude.) He didn't try to lie about it. He wanted me to know.
"You bit my couch. JACK. You bit my couch. Why did you bite my couch?"
"Because Brennan bit me." (So matter-of-fact.)
"But ... I don't understand ... why bite the couch if your brother bit you?!"
"He didn't even get in trouble. MY arm was bleeeeeding! And he didn't get in trouble! So I was mad. So I bit the couch."
Deep breath. Deep breath. Fingers through hair. The truth was Brennan got a stern talking to including showing him Jack's arm and a firm "no-no!"
"I don't understand! YOU BIT MY COUCH!"
At this point the boy started realizing it may not have been the best idea.
"But you didn't punish Brennan. You always punish me."
"Jack. You are 4. Brennan is 1. There isn't much we can do to Brennan but let me tell you if he bites my coach when he is 4, he will be properly punished."
The thing is ... Brennan has bitten the couch. He really didn't get punished ... obviously. The kid is 1. I knew the second this came out of my mouth Jack would bring this up.
"Brennan did bit the couch! Right here! See? See, Mama?!"

Joe -- of course -- was at a basketball game. And I suddenly put him on my list for it.
This is when I actually walked away for a minute. Jack is only 4. But he and I both know he's too smart for this sort of behavior. I started thinking about how we're thinking about having another baby and crossed that right off my list. Oh, hell no.

I walked back into the family room. Jack looked at me like I was crazy. I probably looked like a crazy person.

"Jack, you will have no TV for a week. TV is a privilege for big boys. You biting the couch is not something a big boy should do."
"Is that a long time?" he asked.
"Seven days."
"Seven days? Big deal. I can do that. That's not even that long."
This really, really irritated me. This is where I started to lop on the punishments.
"Really? Well, if it's not a long time, we may as well say no Wii for seven days."
"Whatever." (Yes, he did say this. And he rolled his eyes. Flash forward to Jack in 13 years. Oh, hell no.)
"Jack. You are making a big mistake with your attitude."
"What's attitude?" (Now, I know he knows this. He was still pushing me.)
"You are not talking nice to me. I want you to go upstairs in your room until you can be nice."

So the boy went to his room. I could hear him sobbing. He was not sobbing because he was in trouble. He was sobbing because he was in his room.
"I don't wannnnnnna be in my rooooooom."
Really, at that point, it was a safer place for him.

Brennan woke up. I brought him down, cleaned him up and waited for Jack to show up.
About 10 more minutes passed and I called him down.
"Jack ... are you ready to be a good boy?"
"No." He yelled back.
Yes, I am serious. He said no. Who is this person? And seriously, what am I going to do when he is a teenager? Drop him off in Troy?!

So I made dinner. This kid was going to bed early and I had to get this started.
"Jack come downstairs for dinner now."
"I am not hungry."
Furious. I was furious at this point.
"Jack. Get your butt down here now to eat dinner."
He flopped on the chair and waited. His brother squealed and yelled and tried to get him going. He smartly sat there quietly.

Dinner went fairly smoothly for him. It took him more than an hour to eat his chicken but this is not anything new. Things had calmed down so I thought I would try again.
"Jack, why would you bit my couch?"
"Because I was mad Brennan bit me."
"But Jack. That is my couch. It was expensive. Why would you ruin my couch?"
"Who cares Mama. Why don't you just buy a new one?"
"Because it costs so much money. We can't just buy another one!"
"It's not a big deal, Mama. Just get it fixed."
"JACK. (I am starting to get really angry again and I actually teared up.) Somethings can't be fixed."
"It's not a big deal." He saw that I was crying and stared at me.
"No, Jack. You are wrong. It is a big deal. We bought the couch when we bought our house. We like the couch and we want to keep it."
By this point I was so mad the tears flowed a bit.
"Whatever,'' and then he giggled. Yes. I said giggled.
WARNING! WARNING! BOILING POINT.
"Well Jack! If you don't care about the couch or me, you can't sit on it. In fact I don't want you touching my furniture. You can sit in your Spider-Man chair. That is it!"
"Seriously?" He looked shocked.
"Yes. And it's time for bed."
"I don't want to go to bed."
"Seriously Jack?! After all this you are going to fight me on bed. I don't care. Upstairs, teeth brushed I will be there shortly for prayers."
Oh yea, he hated me that day. And I wasn't a big fan of him either.

121

2009-02-18T21:12:00.003-05:00

Tonight at dinner Brennan was being super annoying. We were all admittedly annoyed. He was shrieking and yelling and throwing things just to be ... well ... a you know.

No matter what Joe offered him for dinner, he rejected it. We all knew he was hungry, he just well ... felt like being ... a you know.

Finally Joe gave him an Oreo with the hope that once he was concentrating on that, we could slip in something slightly more nutritious.

But in between bites and sucking off frosting he continue to squeal. And then when we told Jack he couldn't have a cookie until his dinner was done.

"Sometimes I wish we only had one boy."

Joe and I quickly looked at each other.

"You mean if we have another baby, you want it to be a boy?" I asked quickly.

"No,'' he said. "I wish I was the only boy."

"Jack!" We both hushed.

Joe took the typical dad route.

"We don't say that! He's your brother!"

I took the middle sister approach.

"Jack, I know sometimes it's hard to be a brother but it's something you have to do. Everyone has fights with their brothers but it doesn't mean you don't want him here ... or you don't love him.''

"Yeah, Jack. Look at him! He's your best friend,'' Joe said.

"Well, I have friends at school who are more fun!" he said, grumbling.

"He's not always fun now but someday you will have tons of fun,'' I said. "I promise." (Instant flash in my head to fraternity parties and nights at the college bars.) "More fun than you can imagine."

120

2009-02-17T20:14:00.004-05:00

Before he stops doing it we must get a video and still shot of Brennan kissing. He's outta control with those lips. In fact he is so cute when he doesn't that I fear we've burned him out because all of the sudden he's giving us his cheek and then pressing it tightly onto our lips.

Jack had his first official play date Monday and we were all excited for him. And when he got home I expected a long, detailed play-by-play ... and got nothin'. Is he already at the point where he doesn't want to talk about what he does with his friends with his mother?

Oh, this is not going to work. Apparently he has not yet realized the fact that his parents are reporters. Follow up questioning is more natural to me than breathing.

119

2009-02-08T21:24:00.001-05:00

Brennan woke up with the scary inward wheeze that flashed me back to Jack's days in the teeny-tiny hospital gown and oxygen treatments. We immediately knew he needed to see a doctor. Weekends around here in rural Michigan leave us the option of the kids ER at Sparrow. I refuse to take my kids to Redi-Care/Urgent Care crap-o-la places that diagnose incorrectly and over-subscribe antibiotics.

So Jack and I headed to Sunday school and church and Joe took the baby to the ER. (Jack didn't want to miss his class and there was no way I was going to take two kids under 5 to the hospital if I didn't have to ...)

Apparently when the pair entered the hospital Brennan was his cute, flirty, edible self. Gone was the crazy breathing and scary cough and clingy behavior. Instead he flirted with nurses and cooed and laughed and was the agreeable perfect baby he usually is ... and Joe said seeing him in the teeny-tiny hospital gown with his bright red socks was actually pretty cute. And Joe only had praise for the facility and its staff.

The good news: no on RSV and the flu. The bad news: ear infection/croup.

And while croup and the ears are rough, with all of Jack's sicknesses over the years these seem mild. I will be curious to see how Brennan gets nailed in preschool after being childcare facility free for his entire life. That exposure should likely rock his protected immune system ... this sickness is his first recordable bout with croup. His brother had been sick fist fulls by this time.

It just confirms I will get him in a pre-pre program by 3 if only to help his immune system adjust well before kindergarten and "real" school.

Then when they got back, Joe and I had to head to MSU to tackle some of my own ailments. Luckily we have the Darnells to step in and help with the kids on crazy days like today ... and soon after we got home, Tera had B high-fiving. Fantastic -- especially for a sicky.

118

2009-02-04T21:29:00.002-05:00

The boys and Grandma Rex went to K-zoo to visit with family and go to a Portage Central game. They left when I was still at work and were home very late ... so late that Jack crawled up the stairs and straight into bed.

Tonight was the first time I really got the debrief on the trip.

He went into great detail about his second cousins ... Carly and Carly's brother who I had to remind him over and over was Evan at which he would say ... yeah, Evan, I know that.

Funny quips ...

On Casey ... the senior in high school playing
"Mama! When did he become a man?! I mean he's huge and old. How did that happen so fast? He ... is ... a man!"

On Evan's friends ...
"His friends were super fun. We made jokes. But one of his friends is dumb."
"Dumb?"
"Yeah the boy in the blue shirt ... really dumb."
"Because he was mean to you?"
"No. He was just dumb. He didn't get any of the jokes."

On Carly ...
"She's got long hair now and she looks like a man."
"A man?"
"Yeah. She's tall. I started at her shoes and looked up and up and up. She's a man!"
"Do you mean woman?"
"Yeah, that's what I said."

117

2009-01-28T23:07:00.003-05:00

A request or game is floating around Facebook that asks for people's top 25 random thoughts. I wrote mine twice and then somehow lost them twice before I was able to post it on my wall. But it gave me a quick and easy avenue on how to update on life.

1. I am too tired to be blogging but I am wrought with guilt because it's been so neglected.
2. My feet are icicles but I am too cold to get of bed and get socks.
3. I hate winter.
4. I hate basketball season more. It adds stress and makes my life disorganized and annoying.
5. Brennan had a terrible day today which worries me ... could the Terrible Twos arrive early?
6. Jack threw up this week for the first time in his memory. Poor Ma was here and had to talk him through it when he panicked and thought he couldn't breathe.
7. Every day B is saying more words ... he's super close on "I love you" but also says ... More, No, Up, Down, ni-ni (night-night), bye, GA, hiya!, Ga-ga (that's Ma), Baba (that's Jack also known as Ack), Mama (this one is rare) and on Saturday he said "Hi Ted" to Stina's dog.
8. Jack is the smartest person I have ever met.
9. Work is way harder then anyone ever tells you ... but so is life I guess.
10. I am closing in on 35 and my to-do list is still very long.
11. Jack continues to want a little sister.
12. This economy is outta control. I am trying not to think about it too much.
13. I have been tired for more than five years.
14. I am finally going to the doctor for my numbness and pain on my right side. Super excited to find out what is going on. That is sarcasm.
15. I am tempted to sweep up 50 percent of the toys and sell them on eBay. The boys wouldn't notice they have so much.
16. I got an ipod for my birthday but I still have not downloaded anything on it because our home computer is not set up.
17. Brennan is moaning in his sleep right now. Why am I awake?
18. I am thinking about retiring this blog. I never do it and no one will even read this for months because I hardly ever update anyway.
19. Joe is in Iowa. I am used to it.
20. The peanut butter scare confirms that I should not give my kids peanut butter ... ever.
21. I love chocolate bumpy cake by Saunders although the fake bumpy cake I had for my birthday was pretty darn delicious.
22. Ga liked his day at MIS for his present. And the food in Greektown was fabulous.
23. It was awesome to go the movies and dinner with girlfriends (and Stina) for my birthday. Really nice especially since Joe had to cover the MSU v. NW game ... MSU lost. So totally worth it.
24. Jack says he wants to make movies when he grows up. I believe he will if he wants to ... he's just that guy.
25. Brennan never stops.

116

2009-01-05T23:19:00.004-05:00

I kinda forgot I had a blog. I am so wrapped up in everything else that is slipped my mind. I stand committed in 09 to four posts a month minimum ... Three more to go for January.

Tonight we went to Elsie to visit our nanny's new baby Alivia. My boys fell in love with her instantly. Literally. Brennan couldn't have loved her more. He just wanted to be around her and touch her and smile at her. It was precious. Of course Joe and I freaked when he went for her head but Alisha calmly talked him through being gentle. I realized I need to be more vigilant about nail cutting. He was calling her what sounded like "baby" but it could've been a stretch.

Oh ... and they were thrilled to see "Sha" ... another scream for her. Since leaving Jack has asked me maybe a million times when she's coming back.

Getting ready for bed Jack announced he would like a sister.

Something like: "Mama. I think it would be OK to have a gril."
"Yeah?"
"Yes. And I want her to be as little as Baby Alivia. She was so cute and so little."
"That would be nice. I do love babies. But what we would we name her?"
"Mona. 'Member?"
"Right, right. So she would be Ramona Elizabeth Rexrode? But I like Caroline."
"I like Caroline. I have a deal. Let's do Ramona Caroline Rexrode. OK?"
"That could work ..."
"OR we could do Caroline Ramona Rexrode. Yes! That's it."
"But what if we have a boy?"
"I guess that would be OK. But what would we name him?"
"Patrick?"
"Well, we were thinking Joseph."
"OK. Patrick Joseph. That works."

Sometimes I am just like ... where did he come from?

115

2008-12-16T19:38:00.003-05:00

There are only nine days until Jesus' birthday, says my 4-year-old.

There is much to do. Wrapping. Cleaning. Wrapping and cleaning. This year should be fun with both boys. But the wrapping and cleaning ... and cooking.

Tomorrow is Jack's Christmas play at school ... one perk of sending him to private school ... we can celebrate the biggies. (Of course they don't celebrate Halloween but I guess you can't have them all.)

He is the angel. I asked him how this came about and he got really excited. He set up the story like he had completed an incredible tryout.

"Welllllll,'' he practically whispered. "My teacher asked me ... Jackson, which part would you like to play ... and I said ... "The angel." And she said .... OK ... Grab the costume over there. And that was it."

Fairly anti-climatic.

So I asked him why he picked the angel.
And he said: "Because he was the one who told Mary and Joseph not to be afraid. And he helped the kings find the Baby Jesus."

Good reason.

On Saturday we went to see Santa. Jack was not excited about it. He didn't want to have to discuss his bad behavior at bedtime. After some talk he finally decided he would go ahead. After all he told me he was getting "better" at bedtime. We told Jack he had to narrow his list to three things because Santa was very busy.

His list?

Kung Fu Panda
Mario Kart on Wii
A Joseph

I was confused. I had to ask.

"Jack, what's a Joseph?" (Mostly because I was panicked about it. How could I not know about something like this?!)
"You know Mamaaaa! A Joseph. He was married to Mary and took care of Jesus. He was Jesus' daddy but not really his daddy. He helped God take care of him."
"Righttt! A Joseph. Why Joseph?"
"Why not?" Jack asked. "I like him."

Brennan:
He continues to be a pot stirrer. (Not sure that is grammatically correct!) He likes to pick and tease and then run away laughing. And if you don't see him -- or he doesn't think you saw him -- he will continue his "badness" until you acknowledge it. I often feel bad for Jack. He knows he can't do much when his baby pulls his hair or pounds him.

Lately, when he isn't dragging his blanket around, it's small footballs he holds like a baby... growling "hut, hut" around the house hoping his Daddy will tackle him.

114

2008-12-03T21:41:00.002-05:00

This is a picture of a baby who loves his big bro.

113

2008-11-21T23:43:00.004-05:00

The best times to talk to Jack -- when he's the most focused on talking -- is when he is in the tub or on the pot. And getting him to go potty can be a real pain in the arse. So tonight I found myself sitting on the edge of the tub in the boy's bathroom as I waited for him to take care of his business. The conversation went a bit like this:

"Why are you sitting on the side of the tub, Mama?"
"Why not? I am waiting for you to go stinky."
"I know, I know. I am working on it."
Silence.
"Mama, how do you get to heaven?"
"I am not sure. I think God comes and whispers in your ear to let you know it's time to go to the wonderful place called heaven and then he guides you there."
Silence.
"So do you think we get to fly there?"
"Probably."
"Wow. Fly. That will be great. How long do you think we get to fly? Do you think people can fly in heaven?"
"Jack, I am really not sure. All I know about heaven is that it's a great treat to get to go there and when you're there, you are happy."
"A treat? Like a cookie?"
"Um ... sure."
"Or a brownie?"
"Yes. Something that you like."
"I love brownies."
"Yeah?"
Silence.
"Wait, Mama ... what is a brownie again?"
"They are like chocolate cake only you don't put frosting on it and they are chewier."
"Right, right. That's what I thought."
Silence.
"I want to take brownies to school when I am the Razzle-Dazzle."
"That's a great idea."
(At this point I was feeling pretty great about the heaven talk. I felt like I had really been able to provide some key ideas that left him satisfied.)
"Mama? Mama? Mama?"
"Jack, I am right here. Are you almost done?"
"I am working on it. ... Mama, what does God look like?"
"I don't know."
"But how will we know when he comes to get us if we don't know what he looks like?"
"I think we'll know. I think we'll be able to tell."
"Yeah me too. I think God looks like and old man in a suit."
"In a suit, huh? What color is the suit?"
"Green and gold."
"Yeah? What kind of suit is that?"
"You know like the priests at church."
"Oh, so you think God looks like our priest?"
"Yes ... don't you?"
"Jack, I think that makes perfect sense to me."
He shakes his head in agreement.
Silence again. I run my fingers through my hair, clean my glasses in my shirt and wait.
"So, how much time do you think you have?"
"Time for what?"
"Time until God calls you to heaven."
"I have no idea Jack but when He does, I will be happy that I was chosen."
"Yeah me too. Except Daddy said I have a million years. So, I have some time."
"Yeah, a million years is a lot of time. That's great."
"Well, if I have a million that you must have a least half a million."
"Well, that wouldn't be too bad."
"Yeah, and besides, Mama. We will all end up in heaven anyway, right?"
"That's right, boo. Now flush."

112

2008-11-20T22:19:00.005-05:00

The sleeping drama continues. Each night Jack comes up with more creative and ridiculous reasons to delay his bedtime. So we keep putting him to bed earlier ... 8:30, 8:15, 7:30 ... then even 7:15 p.m.

We don't know what else to do.

We've added nightlights, orange-colored string lights (one set with jack-o-lanterns). We've threatened Santa, school, TV, Nintendo ... nothing works. He may be the most stubborn, ridiculous person I have ever met. He doesn't want to go to bed and he doesn't care about anything else.

We've cut his nap. We've cut any and all shows that could maybe stimulate bad dreams ... because he does have bad dreams, just as I do. We have added a mini CD player with only kids songs and holiday tunes ... think happy thoughts.

All you parents-to-be ... under no circumstance should you bend on bedtime when the baby is young. You think now that you won't -- just like I thought Jack wouldn't have sugar until he was in kindergarten. But when it's 3 a.m. and the baby up yet again and you and your spouse are so, so tired, a cozy bed for three seems more than inviting. But really, it's not good for anyone.

Dear Jack ...

As you grow, let's talk more about all the questions your teeny 4-year-old mind struggles to wrap around. Maybe then you'll realize there just aren't answers to all your questions about God and heaven and our relatives who have passed. For now, just rest and enjoy your childhood. Have fun with your brother. Play with your trains and read books and draw pictures of Spider-Man.

Let's shelf this for now and when you are older we can talk about how you're not invincible and let's try to take each day as a gift. Try not to worry now, buddy.

Unfortunately you've inherited guilt and worry from both your parents. The Irish curse perhaps ... one of many. But as 'Stina said to me last night: Worrying is like a rocking chair. It's not going to get you anywhere.

So sleep. Please sleep. For God's sake sleep worry-free. I wish I help you find peace -- you are only 4.

And always remember I love you. Even when I am leaning over your bed begging you to close your eyes.

Mama

P.S. When you are older and you beg to just sleep; when you waste your days away catching up on your teen metabolism I am going to remind you of these days where you deprived your father and me rest. And I will describe to you in great detail how we fretted about your bad dreams, sleep walking and your lay-it-on thick guilt trips. No need to worry about that either.

111

2008-11-13T23:19:00.002-05:00

The countdown has begun for Thanksgiving in Florida. Am I ready? Hells no. Not really sure when that is going to happen considering the husband heads into a very busy week, a weekend in PA and then we fly out. How did it get here already?

Tonight when I got home the nanny had put Brennan's hair in a ponytail. Think she wants us to get it cut? Could be a suddle hint, eh? It may acutally happen. But since he's likely my last baby there will be little cut off. I don't care what anyone else says ... my baby remember?

110

2008-10-31T23:28:00.003-04:00

Jack or Brennan?

109

2008-10-31T20:48:00.004-04:00

Happy Halloween! Another successful year ...
(Click on photo for larger view.)

108

2008-10-30T11:33:00.002-04:00

Jack's pumpkin. He says it's laughing.
Holiday flashback: Click here.

107

2008-10-26T19:16:00.003-04:00

I'm not going to lie. I am a bit over the whole blog thing. Life is busy. I am tired and sometimes I just can't come up with anything interesting to talk about here.

I know there are little moments I am taking for granted. Things that Brennan does to melt my heart. Things that Jack says to wow me. But the moment is fleeting and I let it float away unrecognized. I know this about me lately.

Life is complicated between work, politics, money ... it's hard to get super excited about anything.

Moment to note: Brennan is currently using my laptop as a tool for a joyful game of "hiya!"

Flip on the news ... housing is down, Americans are dying overseas, people are poor everywhere. It makes it hard to count the good stuff. 60 Minutes is reporting Greenspan wasn't as great as everyone believed.

We're all not sure what will happen in '09. Let's face it, we don't have much power to control it. That's got me worried. What is going to fix it all?
Who will run the country?
How will we stand internationally?
Will the housing market ever turn around?

But ...
Two healthy boys who continue to exceed all milestones set for their age.
Three new babies this year from friends and two more in-utero.
Two full-time jobs in an economy that lost 60,000 + this year alone.

Moment to note: Two little boys screaming "Daddy!" and running to the door as Joe walks in from Sunday evening work.

And yet sometimes it's still hard to remember the good things.

106

2008-10-14T00:02:00.003-04:00

I haven't had the heart to post something here and bump down that picture of Brennan eating cake. I am sure it will go down in history as one of my most favorites.

Went to Chicago this past weekend. MSU was playing Northwestern and it was the perfect opportunity to get out of dodge. Unlike Jack who is an amazing car traveler, B is not in favor of the car ride.

Somewhere along the way Joe and I made a silent agreement we would never expose our children to a children's music CD. Literally, our boys have never spent an afternoon jamming out to some crappy, cheery, high-pitched awfulness. Instead, Jack and Brennan have only listened to our CDs. The Cure was always a must have for traveling with J. B is currently favoring Radiohead and Outkast.

Brennan doesn't necessarily hate the driving. If we move steadily -- with no red lights even -- he can go with it. But get him in traffic on Lakeshore or in a standstill on I-94 just north of Kalamazoo and he's d-for-done. The slow-building shriek and tears won't end until traffic picks up until at least 60 mph. It got so bad I almost got sick of Radiohead ... almost.

B did. He didn't want food (completely unlike him); he didn't want "Hey ya!"; he didn't want his family to poorly sing him the alphabet song. He just wanted out. And today when we ran to Walmart, he let me know quickly he wasn't interested in riding in the car.

He's not shy when it comes to what he wants.

105

2008-09-11T19:55:00.004-04:00

So ... he liked the cake.

We let him grab at the entire cake for a while ... but then I gave him his own slice.

After a while, he wasn't thrilled with the cake goo everywhere. Unfortunately, frosting sticks. And it's messy.

We quickly realized only a bath would work.
Then he felt better -- more like himself.

Happy birthday, Brennan. You're a really amazing baby.

Year 1 check-up stats:
25.02 lbs. weight 80 percent
2 foot 8.5 height off the charts
48 1/4 head circumference 94 percent

The doctor's report, "He looks terrific!"

He's exceeded all milestones for his age: fine and gross motor skills and verbal. And he's been walking for more than two months.

We're so excited. We are so blessed.

104

2008-09-10T13:38:00.005-04:00

Brennan Fredrick is 1 today.

This is his first picture sent out just minutes after his birth, Sept. 10, 2007.

(He still makes this face. Note his perfectly round head.)

103

2008-09-05T09:42:00.003-04:00

First day of school! First day of school!

Jack was very irked with me for not allowing him to wear a Spider-Man shirt. I had told him boys don't wear them on the first day. Then we saw six kids with SM gear on. He, of course, pointed out each boy.

He wasn't too nervous. He seemed a little overwhelmed, but OK. He did call me back to give him one last hug before I walked out.

I got a little emotional about it.

102

2008-09-04T15:06:00.004-04:00

Tomorrow officially kicks off Jack's school career. On Wednesday, we went to his classroom and formally met his teacher and a few classmates. At first he told me he wasn't interested in learning how to write. My pep talk must have worked because he spent his entire day yesterday working on it.

He has told me he prefers the capital A over the "baby" a.

This should be an interesting year.

101

2008-08-27T01:23:00.008-04:00

The company picnic was geared toward the whole family this year. We went to the Lugnuts game -- a first for me -- and both boys had a blast. They have the carnival-type blow-up jumpy things -- a first for Jack. They also had a huge, huge slide. At first, Jack was not interested. But after seeing some "grils" slide down, he decided he was up for it ... at least until he got to the top. Then he decided he didn't want to come down -- at all.

So we sent up a co-worker's daughter to try to convince him to come down.

Brennan wasn't worried in the least. But after everyone on the base (including strangers) couldn't get him to come down, Joe realized he'd have to go get him. The plan was to get up there and bring him down the ladder slide. But, Joe slipped.

And they rolled several times down the steep slide. Jack's face was borderline petrified. Joe just looked like he was trying to look like he was is control.

Luckily, by the fifth and final role, Jack thought it was hilarious. But when he said he'd like to try it again, I distracted him with an ice cream sandwich.

100

2008-08-21T09:01:00.002-04:00

Another 100 down.

Jack has informed us he plans to meet his wife at a dance club. This was an unprovoked, out of nowhere conversation. And when Joe asked him if he even knew what a dance club was he said ...

"Daddy! It's a place where you go and dance and play games."

That's just about right.

This weekend begins the whirlwind we like to call fall. We head to South Haven tomorrow to celebrate Ma's birthday; San Francisco next weekend to see our Cali. friends and go to the Cal v. MSU game; a wedding the following weekend; Brennan's Big Bash the next weekend ... and then every home game EVERY home game we have either people staying or meeting us somewhere. OSU will be a possible sibling weekend but also a memorial tailgate for our friend who passed away this spring; Notre Dame is our anniversary and parties all over; Homecoming brings Joe's friends into town. When will I ever have a minute to rest again?

99

2008-08-12T14:43:00.007-04:00

My integrity as a writer -- and a mother -- has been challenged. Even though Husband was in the car when his eldest son used the word "prefer" correctly, he is insistent that Jack didn't say it.

I find this intriguing considering immediately following my conversation, I said to him, "Oh my gosh! Did you hear what he just said?" And of course he hadn't because the Tigers were on the radio.

So I rehashed what he missed (including the word "prefer") and we both laughed and commented on how smart and amazing Jack is ... Apparently, he was just faking that conversation? Just nodding along? But I bet if anyone asks, he can tell you who was pitching and what the score was for the game.

Details on his son's growing vocabulary? Not so much.

And why is "prefer" so unbelievable when he's a kid who uses "actually" on a daily basis? "Prefer" is no more difficult a concept to tackle. If I were Jack, I would be insulted. He is a child who (though still confused by pronouns) understands past tense versus present tense and plural versus singular. He corrects incorrect spoken grammar when he hears it and is constantly asking me English-language questions. This boy is the product of two professional writers who have always spoken to him as if he was at least 10 years older than his actual age. Why wouldn't he say "prefer"?

So Daddy, how did the Tigs do?

Following the vocabulary theme -- Brennan now says "uh-oh." Though he has refused to say it in front of his father (perhaps because he figures it is a lost cause) Jack, our nanny and I have all heard it. It's can't be easily described but it's truly exciting to witness the teeny-tiny "uh-oh" through his puckered up baby lips after a quick toss of keys.

98

2008-08-11T00:16:00.002-04:00

In one month Brennan will be 1.

Is that possible?

***
Driving home from church Jack asked me ...
"Mama, do you know what $100 means?"
"Do I know what it means?" I asked.
"Yeah. Do you know what $100 means?"
I kind of ignored him. I had no idea what he was talking about or where he was going with it.
"MAMA! It means you can buy a lot of toys for me."
I had to laugh.
"Or clothes for school."
"Yeah ... but ... I'd prefer toys."

97

2008-07-29T21:38:00.009-04:00

Happy birthday, Jackson Thomas.
It's been an incredible four years, baby!
We can't wait to watch you grow up and hear all the amazing things you have to say.
You are quite the boy.

96

2008-07-24T11:58:00.006-04:00

What do you do when you catch your 10-month-old chewing on a used plunger? Gag and scream and rip it away from him. And then continue to scream as you literally wash his mouth out with soap and water.

What does he do? Giggle and smile.

Thus starts another football season. Joe is gone for trip No. 1 of this 08-09 sports year.

I know what you're thinking. How does this happen? How could anyone be such a terrible mother? I have been asking myself the same thing since about 8 p.m. last night.

I got home late. I thought I could leave the office by 5:15 at the latest and I walked through my door at 6:20 p.m. I could tell my pregnant nanny was exhausted and irritated when she walked out the door with minimal chit-chat.

Jack was hungry. Brennan was still taking a nap. Joe was already heading to Chicago.

I quickly fed Jack to try to allow him to eat dinner before our eating machine got up and attacked his older brother's food. I grabbed some grub and as soon as I sat down to eat, I heard the music player from his crib playing in the monitor. He wasn't crying so I let him play there as I shoved a diet meal into my mouth. Jack took forever with his dinner as he does every night but 15 minutes later, B wasn't crying yet. It was getting close to 7 p.m. so I knew I had to get him up and dinnered.

A jar of baby meat, rice and veggies and pears later, the baby was fed. Jack was still eating his dinner. It was going on an hour of eating dinner.

I suggested we go for a walk in the neighborhood before bed. Jack was excited and quick shoved everything that was left into his mouth.

Here's where the plunger comes in.

Since B has been mobile we've made a rule that the half bath's door must always, always be closed. We all know the rule. BFR likes to unravel the toilet paper, throw things in the potty and get in under the sink.

I am not sure where things went wrong. (Switch to slow-motion present tense ...)

Jack and I are in the bathroom with Brennan. He is unraveling the toilet paper -- a battle I decide against fighting right then. Jack is doing his business and I am looking for bug spray. We all leave the room. Jack shuts the door.

I put on B's socks and shoes and let him loose to play for a minute. I still haven't found the bug spray but pretty much give up on the idea. We wait for Jack (again). Jack attempts to put on his shoes. He asks me to check to make sure they were on the correct feet. I take my eyes off B to look at Jack's shoes and look up to see the bathroom door is now open. I walk toward the room and see my precious, angelic baby with the plunger end up in the air. I scream and lunge. I scream again and again. Jack runs into the bathroom and I tell him what B has done. He screams. We both scream over and over as I splash water on B's face. Brennan just laughs.
"Mama! Brennan ate stinky!!!!!!" Jack shrieks, gags and shudders at the same time.
I throw up in my mouth a little.

I then decide to put a teeny bit of hand soap on my hand and literally wash his mouth. I try to dig out the germs that might be floating in his teeny-tiny mouth; I may be still may screaming intermittently. Brennan bites me. He bites me very, very hard. And I swear. Jack, the word police, doesn't dare call me out. He is likely thinking, "Oh shit!" too.

Meanwhile, Brennan is thinks this is also hilarious.

What do you do? What do you do?!

I tried to walk it off. I tried to reason with him but all I could see (and still see) is the image of him with that thing. Is there anything, anything worse? I remember writing a blog about Jack eating a ladybug. Big deal! Big freaking deal! That was likely a source of protein. But this?!

I pushed forward with the walk. I locked up the house, grabbed my phone and keys and Jack and I silently walked outside. Neither of us spoke of the severity of what we'd just experienced. I unlocked the car to get the stroller out and realized there were no house keys on my keys. That's right because Joe gave them to our friend who's staying with us. No biggie, I thought. I will just call the two friends who have keys. Guess what? Neither have them anymore. They both gave them back to Joe months ago. Good to know. I walked the perimeter of the house. All the windows were shut. That's right. We're safe... safely locked outside! About a half an hour later, I called Joe. He was in K-zoo and didn't have his house key either. He'd left it for me ... on the kitchen table ... in the house. Nice.

Jack started to panic a little. Will we have to sleep outside? What if I have to go potty? How are we going to get in?

I noticed our bedroom windows (second floor) are open. I decide to put the kids in the sun room and attempt to jump onto the roof from the deck. If only our ladder had one more step. At one point I was hanging off the edge of my roof. Seriously, my leg was dangling. Jack was ready with the cell phone if anything happened. My three-year-old was the one who put the kabash on this idea.

"Um ... Mama ... that's just not going to work."

(Add tall ladder to my next shopping list, by the way.)

So now B is getting tired, Jack is getting restless and Joe is helpless calling me over and over.
Our visitor is working and can't really be reached.

He got home at 11:15. 11:15. Yes, I said 11:15. P.M. In the night-time. To quote Jack,"It got dark out on us."

I could have met my Dad and gotten his key in that time. I could have driven to my Nanny's out-of-town home and back in that time. If I had only known. But our friend was broadcasting a local baseball game and wouldn't you know? Extra innings!

I did take those two hours as a great time to talk to Jack about giving some of his millions of toys to charity. We were able to go through most of them and create a hefty pile to give to an orphanage for boys in Detroit. Sitting on the floor out there I realized just how many toys the boys have ... wow. Jack's only contention was they had to share with each other. We read a lot of books. And we took a lot of things out of Brennan's mouth, including a dried up leaf from a Jack art project. Awesome.

Both boys were whipped when my friend showed. And he felt terrible. He had no idea we'd been waiting that long and insisted he would have left. It was my own fault this happened. I think it falls under the "terrible mom" category. A quick change and bottle and B was in bed within 10 minutes. Jack was too wound up to go down until after midnight.

I curse road trips.

95

2008-07-21T20:38:00.005-04:00

B tried pizza ...

and he liked it!

94

2008-07-16T14:03:00.002-04:00

I know I still need to post some of the classic shots from our trip to 'gina. I just am too tired to download, upload, and caption.

Brennan is growing fast, moving and talking now so much. It's so fun. He will not speak on command but he sure knows his Dada. It's fantastic. We think he's calling Jack "Baba" but it's not confirmed. He's still a Mama's boy which I love but when it comes to saying "Mama," I am lucky to get it in a whisper.

In case it changes, I want to document this: Jack is just such a great big brother.

Everyday he shows us just what a great leader and protector he has become. He is B's most favorite person. No one can get him to smile faster, to laugh harder, to play more. He is so patient with him. And when we get ready for church, Jack always makes sure to get one toy for his baby and one for him to play with during mass.

He may have his temper flairs (thanks, Daddy) and he may refuse to eat anything but fish sticks (No.1s), grilled cheese (cheese melted) or popcorn shrimp but nobody messes with his B. He doesn't even scream that loud when B pulls his hair. And he does that ... a lot. Brennan is also a biter. The louder you scream, the harder he bites. But Jack just gently brushes him off. And then the pair laugh ... a lot.

We took Brennan to the doctor the other day for some shots. We've been really specific on his shot schedule and taking our time to get the ones we think are important in. With the nanny, we're able to have that luxury. Brennan wasn't impressed with the nurse from the start.

Truthfully, she doesn't impress me either. She's a bit crusty. He took the shots like a champ. He was mad, mostly at the surprise pain, and cried for a brief moment. I hate, HATE taking him for shots but with Jack entering school this fall, we just feel like B is going to be exposed to things that he'll need help fighting off.

Post-shot Brennan wouldn't make eye contact with Nurse Crusty. He was very angry with her. His initial feelings of her had multiplied with each injection. She tried to warm up to him but he would have nothing to do with her. As we walked out of the office he widely smiled to the other nurses and even threw up an all-arm wave.

But when Crusty tried to response, he stopped smiling, stone cold stared at her (one eyebrow up) as if to say, "Oh, don't even think I was talking to you.''
The Brennan-blood bubbled. Nana would have been so proud.

93

2008-07-10T16:21:00.002-04:00

It's been a happy 10 months (today) with you, baby!
Yea, B!

92

2008-07-07T11:55:00.008-04:00

Happy belated 4th of July.

I want to thank Aunt Trishie for her continued success in capturing the week of family activities in 'Gina. She is a photo giant and is able to capture my kids and their true personalities. As Jack said as she pulled away from Grandma Rex's Saturday, "I will really miss my Aunt Trishie."

The week of Virginia was packed full.

Jack went fishing, rode roller coasters at Busch Gardens, got to bring down a flag on one of the ships at the Jamestown Settlement, saw fireworks, rode Papa's tractor, played with a RC car, messed with Mugsy the dog, played Mario Cart on Wii, ate a lot of No.1s (fish sticks) and bruised up his body playing hard all week.

Brennan took three steps, got his two front teeth and melted hearts. He also pulled a lot of hair, ate more watermelon than legally possible, now rejects baby food ... and yesterday as Joe was walking down the stairs he looked up and said, "Hi Dada!"

Very exciting. Now I am very tired.

91

2008-06-26T11:41:00.004-04:00

It's the end of an era for me. I am for sure old. My doctor has told me I can no longer (like never, ever) drink Coca-Cola. No Diet Coke, Coke Zero, Caffeine Free, Cherry ... nada. He pretty much yelled at me for not taking better care of my kidneys. He actually raised his voice and said something like, "Do you not care about your kidneys?"

Basically, my Ks can't filter dark. Flat out. No CC, no coffee, no tea. No Guinness. (Thanks for pointing that out Dad.) I also get dehydrated very easily. I should be going at least 2 and half liters of #1 and I am barely pushing 1 liter. This stress on my kidneys is effecting all of my digestion which is why I feel like pooper a lot, have pretty constant pain, I am run down -- and constipated. (TMI?)

I sat on the edge of the examination table and just thought, damn it. What's next? I have given up everything that made me fun and young and reckless and stupid. Smoking? out. Drinking several nights a week? Out. Long nights and watching the sun rise? Yeah, right. And I am only 31. Seriously.

The waiting room at the urologist is always uplifting. I am the youngest person by at least 30 years and no one is happy. But what person with urological problems is happy? It totally bites. There's no way around it. My kidneys are not my friends. They really, really don't like me. And apparently, I have kicked the crap out of them for years. Perhaps drinking countless Cokes for like 15 years everyday was overboard. A smidge.

But some of my most peaceful "me time" moments involved a nice Coca-Cola. Driving to high school and planning my day (mostly how to get out freshman gym as a senior) -- stick shift in one hand, crisp CC in the other. Walking to class in college with frost on the top of each blade of grass, grumbling about the cold, Coke in left, cig in right. Remember when they were still in glass bottles? What was better than a freezing cold Coke out of a glass bottle while sitting around the kitchen table with family? The laughter and satisfaction still plays in my heart.

These are moments filed under "favorite."

Let's face it. Ice cold lemonade ain't going to cut it. Sprite is inconsistent. And water is ... well ... blah. I have always thrown daggers at people who gushed over water. Why have water if you can drink a nice, cold, deliciously crisp, deliciously bubbly Coca-Cola? America was built on Coca-Cola, people! It's fantastic and wonderful. It's the best. You are lying to me if you love water. YOU ARE LYING.

I am asking all of you to stop your flaunting. Put down that can of Coke and remember there are people out there who don't get to drink it. No, I am not talking about people in third world countries. I am talking about ME! Have some respect for my condition or at least have the courtesy to disguise yourself.

Coca-cola. Enjoy. Coca-cola. Sign of good taste. Coca-cola. There's just nothing better.

90

2008-06-18T10:36:00.005-04:00

I am not over the recent death of Tim Russert and I can't seem to shake it. When my boss called me to let me know, I actually screamed and immediately flipped to msn.com. And whether you're a print or broadcast kind of newsie, Russert was one of the best. Sure, it's pretty clear he was a democrat but unlike other "professionals" in the biz, you'd never know by his line of questioning.

I have become obsessed with watching the coverage and actually had to go to the store to peel myself off the tube. For as long as I can remember, I wanted to be a journalist, a writer and I have always been a current events/news junkie. My Papa was my role model and he hammered in the role of a reporter. It's not to cheer when a candidate wins (actually happened in a newsroom I worked in); it's not to attack because you don't agree; it's to report the news. That's it. Most journalists aren't really experts in anything besides journalism, AP Style and gossip. And truthfully, it's not their job. Their role is to report on the experts. It's to make sure the general public is informed. Tim Russert did that, and did it well.

The other day, I bawled over the interview of Luke Russert. He was on The Today Show to talk about his dad, his family, the whole ordeal. He was poised, strong, articulate. I sat at my desk crying hysterically while Matt Lauer struggled for words and this kid sat there and represented. He talked about Tim with such admiration and joy.

Today I scoured the Internet to pull a Tim quote to include in my company's next e-newsletter. Each issue I try to quote influential people like Thomas Edison, Bill Cosby, George Washington. I stumbled upon an interview he did on The Today Show in 2005 about his follow-up book to Big Russ and Me. In it, he said he received letters from people all over the country with stories about their dads that carried them through life. These were not grandiose gestures but little things that imprinted. It was really touching. Again, I sat there with tears. Lauer asked Russert about his relationship with his son. Russert said he wrote him a note the day he left for college that said, "Study hard, laugh often and keep your honor." And isn't that just it?

When I was in first grade my dad was on the school PTO. One day he had a meeting in the school during class hours. I don't know that I realized he would be there. We were hard at work when I looked up and saw him at my classroom. He was around 35, all spiffed up in a navy blue suit, red tie and he looked amazing. He held a single red rose. He walked up to my desk and handed it to me while my teacher gushed to the class. I can still see him in the doorway of the classroom. In fact, when I think of him now, that's the Dad I see. I was so happy and surprised -- and felt so lucky and proud.

I can only hope Joe and I are able to leave that sort of imprint on our boys.

89

2008-06-16T12:16:00.005-04:00

Just got back from B's 9 month appt.

Length: 30 1/4 (95%)

Weight: 22 lb, 14.5 oz. (77%)

Head circumference: 47 1/4 (94%)

Brennan, of course, did well at the appointment and flirted his head off. He twinkled his eyes, looked gorgeous and made his shout for hello. (He's way into shouting these days and he fully expects you to shout right back. It's a kind of grunt/growl thing. Then it becomes a copy-cat thing that only ends when he can't control his giggles.)

He's hit all the marks for what he's supposed to be doing right now except he's not choosing to say Mama just yet. He knows my name, he looks right at me if you say it. He's just not that into playing along with us with Mama or Dada. He says Dada when he's looking for him, quietly under his breath, but he's too stubborn to actually say it to his father.

He crawls like mad. He stands, he stretches from furniture to furniture to walk and doesn't stop even after banging himself on the head like a million times. He is able to sit without support, roll over, pivot and he'd much rather feed himself that bother with us.

Luckily, he exceeded these milestones a while ago. And looking over the next group of milestones, he's already met all but two: saying one or two words and walking.

I do think he calls his brother Ba-Ba. I could be imaging but the nanny often refers to Jack has Big Brother. I have heard her say to Brennan, "Look at Big Brother! He's so funny!" and other such things.

I am excited to see what he's going to say. It's obvious he thinks his bro is the funniest person on earth but he's also annoyed by him. That brother dynamic should be a fun mix to watch.

We did have a scare at the appointment. The other night when Joe was giving the boys a bath we noticed Brennan's head had changed shape. We were immediately worried but tried not to panic and decided to wait for Brennan's well-baby check-up. As we described his symptoms to the doctor, she grew very serious and started talking about plates fusing and X-Rays and C-Scans and surgery ... I felt panic as I looked at his fluffy strawberry blond head. I knew Hubbie was feeling the same way. I saw large staples and a scar and pure awfulness.

I think she knew we were freaked out because she quickly assured us he was on target developmentally and he'd accomplished all her checkpoints in the first minute she was in the office -- without even trying.

But the image of baby brain surgery couldn't be washed away.

Note to everyone with a baby or about to have a baby: The shape of a head can look different at different stages as the plates fall into place and fuse together properly. What Joe was worried about most was actually what's left of his soft spot. What I was worried about most was a "corner" that was actually just his plate growing and shifting.

To quote the doctor: "He's perfect."

88

2008-05-28T22:22:00.003-04:00

He is perfectly edible.

87

2008-05-28T22:17:00.003-04:00

Classic.

86

2008-05-27T23:15:00.007-04:00

We spent Memorial Day weekend in Pennsylvania with Grandpa. Cousin Freddie wasn't interested in taking pictures during this time but see Post 85 below for a shot of him in action.

In case you are wondering, Jack is shooting webs. Big surprise.

85

2008-05-27T23:03:00.005-04:00

It's a time honored tradition -- and a rite of passage of sorts ... riding Grandpa's tractor. I have video footage of all three boys: Jack, Freddie and Brennan. I only have video of Brennan who was napping (finally) when I thought to bring out the camera. Brennan was in Round 1 of the tractor riding and was angry with his Great-Grandpa when he wasn't able to steer by himself. Freddie was napping then. Round 2 Freddie enjoyed a leisurely ride with G2 and never once showed a glimmer fear. Jack benefited by having multiple rides.

(Please note Grandpa's shirt. That's right! Go Chieftains!)

84

2008-05-16T09:22:00.006-04:00

We all know Jack is a painfully slow, awfully particular, eater. We have to gear up to fight him through dinner. Lately, we've even had to incorporate his favorite characters as we shove food into his skinny (no butt) body.

"Open up! Mary Jane wants to see Peter Parker!"

It's a little borderline, I agree. But when you have a rail of a kid who treats eating (unless it's cookies) like torture you'll do anything to get'ter done.

Brennan, on the other hand, runs the opposite. Like is his mother, food is his friend. He will happily munch all day and is thrilled to realize you're plopping him in the highchair.

Last night, Jack dined on french toast, bananas and applesauce. We've found that breakfast foods work particularly well with No.1 and we try to squeeze in healthy elements. (Last week he ate scrambled eggs. Woot!Woot!)

But like most nights, he took forever. He took a few bites, announced he was eating, got praise and then was distracted by a toy.

But unlike most nights, his Baby Bro was already done eating and on the loose.

My back was turned only for a second to stir a crap pasta dish for the adults. I was also on the phone with my parents. (I am an excellent multi-tasker.)

I heard a shriek.

"MAMA! Brennan is eating my food!"

Apparently, Jack had run to the bathroom to wash his hands (i.e. play in the water with foamy soap) and Brennan took that as an invitation to his food.

When I turned to look at the boys, Brennan had an entire banana hanging from his two-teethed mouth. And he was giggling. Jack was trying to swat it away.

"I guess that's what happens when you don't focus on your dinner!"

I scooped up the baby (banana still in his mouth) and put him in his highchair. He quickly chomped away the whole thing.

"Brennan! You're such a good eater!"
"I am a good eater too!" Jack insisted.

Then, under his breath as he stumped away, he muttered, "I am so mad about this."

83

2008-05-13T20:48:00.005-04:00

"Jack, will you give Brennan some puffs?"
"Of course I will!"

Yes, he really said that. True story.

Saturday, B hit 8 months. How does that happen? How is it that he's crawling like mad, into everything, squirming out of hugs and busy, busy busy? Where has the time gone?

For Brennan, no one is funnier than Jack; nothing is more fun than pulling himself up to stand; and there's no better song than the Spider-Man theme song.

For Jack, no one is cooler than Spider-Man; nothing makes him feel more accomplished than winning on his Nintento DS; and there's no one he's prouder of showing off than his cutie-a-tootie baby.

"Mama, everyone will love my brother because he is sooo cute."

These days Joe's home more but my life is increasingly busy. It seems like we're never in the same time zone.

Brennan likes to sleep in his crib with his blanky. Jack still likes to cuddle his way to sleep with Daddy putting him to bed after he's in dreamland.

The boys are amazing together. I wish they'd always be the way they are now. The purity of their relationship is almost overwhelming. I know there will be times where they won't see eye-to-eye so I try to file away the images of bath time; Jack explaining how things work and pretending he's a monkey to make his Baby Rex squeal.

And when one gets married I know for me that day will be filled with memories of Jack singing the Spider-Man song to get Brennan to do ... pretty much anything. And how Brennan always has to be wherever Jack is, painfully grabbing a handful of hair off his brother's patient head.

As I type, Jack is talking to Brennan about his messy face while he gives him baby puffs to snack on.

I lost a friend this week in a freak accident. Truthfully, I wasn't super close to him. I last saw him more than five years ago. I had tons of fun in college -- he was there many of those times. But he was part of a large network of friends I was a part of for my four years. He got a hug from me whenever I saw him -- and I am not a public hugger.

I was actually quite close to his older brother. I spent days at a time with that boy and loved every minute of it. He is who I focused on at the viewing. I realize firsthand as a mother watching brothers his loss is different from all others. I watched him float around the room suddenly all grown up. His long hair now short, wearing a blue suit. His face looking old. The sadness I felt for him was almost more than I could bare. Being the eternal optimist, I immediately thought of my boys. He will never fully recover.

And I watched their mother closely. She was in constant movement through the room, hugging and patting, making sure everyone had food being a mother of sons. It was too much for me to wrap around. She couldn't stop moving because then the reality of the day would've set in. This wasn't a wedding celebration for her second son. This was a goodbye she should never have to say. Six days later, I haven't been able to move on just yet.

The wake was a bizarre twist of a reunion with friends who I hadn't made time for in years and a sad flush of loss. Life goes on, right? We all headed to dinner, handed out hugs and went home. But how are they doing today? A week after the accident? Friday made me remember how fast it goes and how we're all barely holding on.

So I will try to grab my three boys more often; try not to worry about the daily stuff so much and tap those people who I should have been keeping closer tabs on. And I'll try not to let my life pass me by. And on those days I just can't shake the grey, I will remember the laughter between brothers.

82

2008-04-30T22:13:00.002-04:00

I am not protesting, I am just super-duper busy.

Quick update:
Jack is hilarious. He told me he plans to move to Chicago when he's "growed" up. However, he would like us to move there with him. Note to self: Remind him of this when he's 22.

Brennan ate chicken and loved it. He loves standing, wants to all the time and he's talking up a storm. Daaa-dddaaa.

81

2008-04-18T12:53:00.006-04:00

Last night Jack and I were watching a show on Noggin where a little kid was talking to his grandmother. And Jack said to me, "I have three grandmas."

I agreed. And told him how lucky he was to have three grandmas who love him so much.

A little while passed.

"Mama, how come you don't have any grandmas?"

I really didn't know how to tackle this. He's only three and doesn't really get the concept of God or heaven and his only image of death was Spider-Man overcoming a bad guy.

The conversation went something like this...

"I do. I have two grandmas. They are in Heaven."

"In Heaven? Why don't we see them?"

"Because Heaven is a far away place that is magical and wonderful,'' I said. "They are there now together watching over us."

"Watching over us?" he asked. "I want to go to there.''

"Someday you'll go to Heaven and when you do, you can meet my grandmas,'' I said. I was kind of hoping this would end it. How do I explain death and life, heaven and hell to him without freaking him out? I am a little freaked out about the whole thing.

"I have a grandpa, he's Ga's Daddy,'' I said.

"I know Grandpa! He's my Grandpa too!" He acted so annoyed with me like obviously he knew he had a Grandpa. "He's got white hair."

Silence for a while. I was busy on my BlackBerry sneaking in work.

"What were your grandma's names?" he asked.

"My one grandma we called Nana. Her name was Rita and my other grandma was named Mary,'' he said.

"I have a grandma named Mary!" he exclaimed.

"Yes, you do. Isn't that great?"

He sat there for a minute, eyes back on the TV.

"I don't want to die,'' he said, eyes wide.

"Don't worry honey. You will be fine.''

"Why did your grandmas die? Were they bad guys?"

"Jack! That's silly. They weren't bad guys. My grandma was sick and it was her time to go to heaven so she could feel better,'' I explained.

He seemed to get it. I was impressed.

"And my Nana was older. And she was sad because she missed my Papa, and it was her time to go to heaven.''

"So she could feel better too?"

"Exactly.''

"I have a Papa too,'' he said. "Daddy's daddy is Papa. But sometimes I call him Grandpa Rex."

"That's right! Aren't we so lucky we have Papas?"

"But do your grandmas even know about me? Do they like me?"

"Jack, I know they love you so much. Because you know what's so great?! They are watching over us. So whenever you are scared, or sad, they will be there to help you."

"Can they talk to me?"

"No, they can't really talk to you but when you are sleeping in your big boy bed, they give you teeny-tiny kisses on your cheeks and hug you really tight so you won't have bad dreams.''

"Will they protect me from the scary tree out my window?"

"Of course! That's their job now. They protect you and Brennan and Freddie. That's because they love you so-so-so much and they want you to be happy."

"So... they are ghosts?"

"Well, kind of."

"I don't like ghosts. They're scary."

"They aren't mean ghosts, silly. They are ... angels. They are like your own special heroes that maybe you can't see or talk to but they are there, protecting you and making you happy.''

"I know Papa."

"Oh?"

"Yeah, I have seen him in my room."

"That's great. I am sure they are all there."

"Mama, he has my eyes. He is in my room when I wake up from the scary tree."

This stopped me. I wasn't sure I heard him right.

"What?"

"The man in my room is the Papa. He has the same eyes as me."

Now, I know I search for signs. I like to think my deceased relatives are around leading, protecting, listening. It makes me feel better. It makes me miss them less. This to me sounded like confirmation.

Because the thing is... Jack has my eyes. I have my mom's eyes. My mom has my Papa's eyes. They are the Cleary eyes. It's our thing. The eyes. You can't miss them. When I was younger I hated them but now I embrace them because it's our thing. It's all about the eyes.

So many times I have watched Jack play, talk, think things through and I have thought he was so much like Papa. My dad and mom have both on separate occasions said he reminded them of Papa. And since he could talk I wished that Papa could have met him. Jack's vocabulary, his observations, his sentence structure amaze us everyday and I know my Papa in particular would have loved it. He would have challenged him; groomed him.

So, that made me really happy. Insanely happy.

I hugged Jack tight.

"Aren't we so lucky we have grandparents who take care of us, Jackie?"

He squeezed me tight right back.

80

2008-04-16T18:53:00.002-04:00

Jack had a dental appointment today. You may have noticed his front tooth is cracked ... and I think it may be dying. We wanted to get it checked. Ga had been monitoring it since the crack but he wanted Jackie to go to a specialist.

For the last few weeks I have been talking to him about the visit so he wouldn't be surprised or scared. I even got him a book about going to the dentist.

So, last night I reminded him again.

"Jack! Guess where you get to go tomorrow?" It's all about the tone. I tried to act like it was the BEST-THING-EVER.

"What?!!"

"The dentist! Isn't that exciting?"

"Yippee!" (He actually says that now.) "Hey, do you think Ga will buy me a present?"

"Ga? No. Your not going to Ga. You're going to a new dentist who works just with kids."

"What? Why? I thought Ga did a good job!"

Hilarious. First of all, for weeks I had been telling him about going to a new, gril dentist. FOR WEEKS. It's obvious he had not heard me once. He's already learned to tune me out. Secondly, he thought I fired Ga. How he wraps around these concepts, I can't figure.

Then, two hands out, very serious face.

"Will she have the yucky green stuff?"

By this he's referring to the professional toothpaste my dad used to polish teeth. Jack hates it and tried to tell him about it. Since his last visit, my dad has stopped using this product. Jack gagged. He gagged a lot.

"I don't know, Jack.''

"You better tell Daddy. I don't use the yucky green stuff."

So the appointment went well.
Joe called me soon after and filled me in very briefly. The doctor is going to fix his tooth. That should be an interesting appointment. Joe will be taking him.

When I got home from work, I asked JTR how it went.

"Good,'' he said. "She was good.''

"Was she nice?"

"Yeah, she was nice."

"Were you a good boy?"

"Yeah, I was good,'' he said, growing angry I was taking him away from fixing stuff with his mini-Home Depot tool box. "I squirmed my head a little -- but not my body.''

"It happens,'' I said. "Was she pretty?"

"Yeah, she was pretty. She had gril hair,'' he said, pulling away from me. (He's into hairstyles lately.) "Can I go now? I have things to fix."

And that's all he had to say about that.

79

2008-04-09T21:22:00.005-04:00

Happy Birthday (7 months) Brennan!
We love you!

This is just a glimance of his photo shoot today. (This was a B-list shot, if that tells you anything! Mother's Day gift, check!)

78

2008-04-07T17:20:00.004-04:00

Last night when I was getting Jack ready for bed, he asked me when Daddy was coming up. I told him I didn't know.

"I really miss Daddy," he said.
"He's just downstairs. Now come on, brush your teeth," I was distracted -- and tired -- and I thought he was procrastinating.
"I really love Daddy. He's my favorite person."

That statement rang in my ears. It was sincere and true. He's 3 and not great at lying.

I gasped. Really loud. I know I did because by his reaction I know he immediately regretted saying it. I walked out the room and grabbed toilet paper. I could hear him sniffling, guilt at 3.

I asked him to brush his teeth again.
He got up without saying much, just sniffling. He went potty, brushed his teeth.

"Is this good, Mama?"
"Yes. Thanks."

I was stunned, to be honest.
But I don't know why. I mean, truthfully, Joe is more fun. He runs and plays. He wrestles and does "the claw." Everyone who meets him thinks he's a great guy. I have heard it from top to bottom, east to west. "That Joe is a great guy!" He's "Hey, Joe!"

I guess I thought my cuddle time and boo-boo kissing had earned me a higher rank.

"Can I play with your hair, Mama?"
"I don't think so, buddy."
"I'm sorry I said Daddy is my favorite,'' he whispered. "You're both my favorite."
"No, it's OK. If that's what you feel, that's what you feel. It just hurt."
"I'm sorry," he said again.
"You have to be careful about the things you say," I told him (from experience). "Wouldn't you be sad if I told you Brennan was my favorite?"
"Well, Brennan is your favorite,'' he said matter-of-factly.The room was dark so I couldn't see his expression but he sounded like he was 25 years old. So old, mature and slightly sad. It was something he must have decided a while ago. Brennan is Mama's favorite. Flat out.
"What?! That's not true."
"It's OK, Mama," he said patting my hair.
"Jack, he is not my favorite. You are both my favorites. You are my special boys."

But he seemed to shrug me off. He really didn't believe me. And it was crushing. I thought about explaining they were at different stages; Brennan needed more from me now but it just seemed moot. Nothing could fix that feeling for him. He'll likely feel it for the rest of his life no matter what I do.

Mothers crush just as easily as they put their kids back together. It's an awfully powerful, hard to manage trait.

77

2008-04-02T22:43:00.009-04:00

(This is seven pictures in and my best option. He likes to make funny faces, scrunch his eyes or do a huge ridiculous smile.)

Jack-isms

"When I grow up, I am not going to work."

"Going to bed is not fun."

"It's OK, Mama. We can just clean it."

"I MISSED! Just a little bit."

"I don't like the 'Bama."
(This was said after I was on a week-long work trip in Alabama.)

"How about ... I have just two more bites and then I get ice cream!"

"My little cutie-atootie. Don't worry, Mama. I will fight the bad guys. No one will steal my baby."'
(This was out of nowhere. Not sure what he's worried about ...)

Me: "Jack, can you grab the baby wipes?"
Jack: "Well, Daddy's not doing anything. He could do it."

"This is my baby. Baby Rex. But you can call him Brennan."

"I'm a hero. I am your hero. Right, Mama?"

Jack:"Ga's ears are old."
Me: "What do you mean?"
Jack: "Ga's ears are old because sometimes he doesn't hear me."

"Stina! You can buy me a gift the next time I see you!"

"That's just kind of ridiculous, Mama!"
(This was after he saw the peach colored Easter Bunny taking pictures at the mall.)

Me: "It's time to turn off the TV."
Jack: "What? I only need five more shows!"

"Where are you going to sleep, Daddy?"
(After he and his brother took over our bed for the 10 days Joe was on the road, he wasn't ready to give his Daddy his place back.)

Jack:"Mama. Are the babies in your belly yet? Next time I want two babies. I want a boy and a gril. The boy will be Joe and the gril can be Mona."
Me: "Mona? Where did you come up with that?! What about Katie?"
Jack: "Well, that's just kind of ridiculous."

76

2008-03-31T14:17:00.005-04:00

For my dad's birthday, my mom got him a Wii. My sister has one and we spent much of Christmas break developing tennis elbow and bowling wrist. Jack was no exception.

With Husband in Houston, the boys and I headed down to the D to hang out with the 'rents. Jack spent Sunday punching the lights out of everyone on Wii Boxing. He kicked butt. And his footwork was unmatched. The little kid was so busy all weekend, this morning when he woke up he told me, "My legs and buns hurt. Too much boxing, Mama."

I can't believe we didn't record his play. It's unmatched. He finally go Ga to partake and I think he was surprised to see how hard it is to knock out the opponent. Jack knocked out everyone he played. The final straw was when he went into 3 rounds. He screamed in frustration, "I hate 3 rounds!"

Next was golf. Let's remember he's only 3 and thought it was fun to hit the ball into the water. But when buckled down, he nailed it. He bogeyed several times and even realized the difference between tapping it in for a putt and the long shots. I do think he may be retired from Wii for a while. He was even a little stiff when he walked around.

The power of the Clause.
Last week, Jack was procrastinating going to bed. I couldn't get him to brush his teeth or settle down. I happened to notice about 6 doe outside on our lawn and quickly pointed them out to Jack.
"Oh no! Santa has sent his deers to check on me! I better brush my teeth."

The Santa link hadn't even crossed my mind. It was perfect. I have used it several times since. Thanks, Santa!

Happy Birthday Freds.
Sunday was Baby Freddie's birthday. The big 1. I wish I thought to take a camera so I could get pictures of him with my boys. I am terrible about that... it was also Uncle Fred's 35 birthday. Wow. That's kind of old.

75

2008-03-24T10:01:00.005-04:00

Happy Easter, Love Brennan.

Someday he's going to be not so happy with me for this shot.
We took others but they are on Ga's camera and I forgot to download them before we headed to the airport to pick up Daddy.

Great news everyone! The Spartans made it to the Sweet 16. Whoo-hoo!! Another weekend of no Husband. And there's a chance they will make it to the Final Four. I should have assumed this would happen. The last time they made it to the Final Four was Jack's first year. Why wouldn't it happen again in Brennan's first year?

March has blown by. I spent a week in Alabama. Grandma Rex came and watched the boys. I have had stomach flu and killer bronchitis and last night Jack woke up around 2 a.m. with a dying seal cough. Good times. Surely Daddy is next. He's already had the attack of the stomach flu... If only we can get away with Brennan not getting anything. Is that possible?

Until then... get ready:

From the banks of the Red Cedar,
There's a school that's known to all;
Its specialty is winning,
And those Spartans play good ball;
Spartan teams are never beaten,
All through the game they'll fight;
Fight for the only colors:Green and White ... jerks.